+my new theory on depression: people who get depression, get it because the code their mind is based around is not adapted suitably for the environment they live in. depression is starvation of release/ intake of energy of every kind.

life is a bitch because you can't choose whether you want to be born. some people are glad they were, some people are alright with it, some are struggling to want to be alright with it, but for me, when i go to sleep every night, i don't really want to wake up. and theres no painless way to get out, and death is terrifying, which is really unfair.

i went through that feeling of needing to go mental and trash everything and live every extreeme emotion in the real world because you just can't move in the real world.and then wanting to run away. the running away feeling for me happened when i was coming to terms (took years) with the fact that no one cared about or loved me, everyone in the world at once, especially the people i loved the most who i thought loved me the most, diddn't anymore, or maybe never did. i don't fully understand it though. i think its you needing movement in your life and your rattling around in your head so much but you can't step out of your head and into life.

you need the next chapter like NOW, and you feel like like running away and giving up/ releasing what your in now is the only thing left that might turn that page, which you are extreemely late in doing, maybe too late.

you don't feel needed, or a part of something bigger maybe? in your head youve lived it all so you give up before youve even started any of it in real life.

don't trust your mind. your mind creates rubbish in the time you give to it using logic and creativity which you end up thinking is real, even though youve sat there and created that rubbish yourself you still think it's true! it's why worrying is so pointless. you need to win and lose the game instead of avoiding it for fear of losing.

yer i hate people and this life as well and i used to really hate myself but you just can't. you usually have to put extrordinary effort in to meet extrordinary people but they really are there, lots of them, a bit lost also. and you can save them!