I see all my friends living their life’s just fine but here I am, a prisoner to my thoughts. I can take something beautiful and pure and destroy it within seconds. I feel like I’m toxic to the people around me and everyone can tell. I can’t walk anywhere without noticing someone is watching me, judging every step, movement and thought. As if they can see right through me and see the difficulties I’m having in my own head. I hate myself because I know everything that is going on with me is my fault. Nobody is to blame for what I have, I’ve gone over it in my head countless times. I pray that one day my family understands that this is not their fault or thier problem. I hope that one day I wake up and this is all gone. As if I read it from a book before bed and had a dream about it. With everything I’ve been through in my life, this has been the hardest. I feel like I could watch my life from a perspective and still hate it. But then again, I put myself here. I don’t do anything to help myself but I’ll help someone else. I feel like I’m on an island of chaos that I’ve created and Ive destroyed the only way out, now everything is coming down on me and I’m slowly realising that this is it. Even in a sea of pills, I can see my destruction lying at the bottom waiting to pull me down and drown me. As I gasp for breath Everytime, I hear someone say “it’s just anxiety.” I await the day that anxiety takes you into it’s claws and crushes what you thought was reality. I want you to know how I feel, not understand it.