Well, my recent ex boyfriend and I have still been emailing each other (he's away at sea right now).  Last night I wrote to him and told him I went out on a date and that it went badly and that I still want him.  That probably hurt him.  I don't know, he's the one who broke up with me and then told me I should go back to online dating in a few days and make myself move on. 

So this morning I logged into the dating site and saw that my ex had reactivated HIS profile and had looked at my page, then I visited his profile and saw that he wrote a little note on there saying he is back to online dating, and is a little wiser now.  Do you think he's doing it to hurt me?  Or to make me really move on?  Because he said he wasn't going to go back on that particular dating site.  We live in a small town, and we knew it would be awkward to see each other on that same site. 

So now I am hurt and sad.  I just couldn't stop hoping we would get back together.  Because I know he is very attracted to me, and really likes me – he has told me so many times, as he was breaking up with me and since he broke up with me.  He wants us to be friends but he said recently he is afraid to even come over to my house and give me a hug because then he will forget the rules of friendship. 

So my heart is really broken because he is so stubborn and insists on us moving on.  I think I will take a little break from online dating and I hope that he will at least continue emailing me because I really do want him as a friend. 

One thing that is sort of helping me is that my little sister who's ten years younger than me is going through the same thing right now. She and her boyfriend have been together for 2.5 years and he is now on the verge of breaking up with her.  So she and I have been commiserating about how dumb guys are and I've been giving her advice and she has some wise things to tell me, too.  It helps to talk about it honestly like that, and to write about it, too.