I don't even really know what to write about. I havn't been on here now in quite some time.  Tonight my ocd has gotten the better of me ..so here I am.  I dont know why but I cant seem to motivate myself to take my meds regularly … I remember them every day I just keep putting it off.  It's not because I dont WANT to take them because they make this so much better but i just like almost ignor them… I walk right by and look right at them and keep walking… haha almost like an ex boyfriend. 

Besides that I have a new job … I now work at the liquor store … sounds a lot less exciting then the dental office HOWEVER… a whole lot less OCD related feelings … and it's nothing a drop of hand sanitizer cant help me with if it does flare up. and on a much happier note it's a lot more pay believe it or not.. so much for the 3 years I spent in school learning the ins and outs of the human mouth :S  Anyways i'm HAPPY and ENJOY work and it's been so long since I've felt that way about anything …. I'm much happier in every aspect of my life since I left the dental world : ) YAY for me. I still get anxiety at the site of a mouth and sometimes during crest commercials but it's slowly getting easier lol 

 

ahh besides that not a whole lot going on like I said I'm much happier and that helps with the ocd and obviously my being depressed. I'm just hoping it stays that way for a while. 

 

I miss my nan, I've been over twice now to put flowers on her grave since she passed and I kick myself for not making that much of an effort while she was alive. I cry for her sometimes when I'm lonely or my ocd is lurking … she was there for me when my ocd was pulling me down and destroying my life only for her I would never have started taking my meds .. or nervous pills as she would call them ,,, nan was sooo funny and I can picture here little grin when I was ranting away about all my wild ocd theories and making mom not visit her because she had the flu and I was afriad she might contaminate nan's appartment serious stuff back then… kind of funny now.

I just miss her and it is sad that I did not spend EVERY second over there , I know thats not possible and I visited her more then any of her grandchildren did . I could go on with this forever , bottom line is times like this I miss her so much. ! 

 

anywho I've bored you enough for one night I'm sure hope everyones doing okay : ) 

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 11 years ago

    I enjoyed your blog too.  I am glad to see that you are happy in your new job. One of life's ironic twists; this one pays more and doesn't trigger your ocd.

    Life can be sad.  As you get older, so does everyone else; unhappily it means many loses of loved ones.  We all make a stab at rewriting history; but the fact of the matter is that our own life concerns and the demand on our life, will makes us feel as though we didn't spend as much times as we would've liked. I don't know if there is that kind of time.

    I also have trouble with "getting around to" taking my medications.  I don't know what to do about that one myself.

    Just remember, that on days like this; just put one foot ahead of the  other and get through it.  Tommorrow will be a better day!\"\"

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