I don't even really know what to write about. I havn't been on here now in quite some time. Tonight my ocd has gotten the better of me ..so here I am. I dont know why but I cant seem to motivate myself to take my meds regularly … I remember them every day I just keep putting it off. It's not because I dont WANT to take them because they make this so much better but i just like almost ignor them… I walk right by and look right at them and keep walking… haha almost like an ex boyfriend.
Besides that I have a new job … I now work at the liquor store … sounds a lot less exciting then the dental office HOWEVER… a whole lot less OCD related feelings … and it's nothing a drop of hand sanitizer cant help me with if it does flare up. and on a much happier note it's a lot more pay believe it or not.. so much for the 3 years I spent in school learning the ins and outs of the human mouth :S Anyways i'm HAPPY and ENJOY work and it's been so long since I've felt that way about anything …. I'm much happier in every aspect of my life since I left the dental world : ) YAY for me. I still get anxiety at the site of a mouth and sometimes during crest commercials but it's slowly getting easier lol
ahh besides that not a whole lot going on like I said I'm much happier and that helps with the ocd and obviously my being depressed. I'm just hoping it stays that way for a while.
I miss my nan, I've been over twice now to put flowers on her grave since she passed and I kick myself for not making that much of an effort while she was alive. I cry for her sometimes when I'm lonely or my ocd is lurking … she was there for me when my ocd was pulling me down and destroying my life only for her I would never have started taking my meds .. or nervous pills as she would call them ,,, nan was sooo funny and I can picture here little grin when I was ranting away about all my wild ocd theories and making mom not visit her because she had the flu and I was afriad she might contaminate nan's appartment serious stuff back then… kind of funny now.
I just miss her and it is sad that I did not spend EVERY second over there , I know thats not possible and I visited her more then any of her grandchildren did . I could go on with this forever , bottom line is times like this I miss her so much. !
anywho I've bored you enough for one night I'm sure hope everyones doing okay : )