I couldn't fall asleep 'early' last night (as my thoughts were insane and all over the place), and, it's not a part of my schedule. (Since I've been falling asleep at 2-3 AM and waking up at 11 most days.) My mother is heading on a one month vacation to Florida, so I had to come over and say bye, but the boyfriend had to drive me before he left for work, which begins at 10:00AM.

It's cold today, and very windy. I'm envious at my mother who will be enjoying the nice Florida weather. I could have went, too, for at least a week – which would have given me a much needed vacation. However, I do not wish to leave my boyfriend by himself (he's Russian and he'd need a visa to get over the boarder to the States, which he can't attempt to obtain until he receives his passport (in 2-3 months) from the Russian Embassy in Canada. Last time he was left alone, all he did was stay drunk and play video games. (No, he's not an alcoholic, he just had nothing better to do but drink his beer.)

Sometimes he's so frustrating! He has no social life, not even Russian buddies anymore, and he doesn't pursue any outside of my group of friends.

If some of the guys invite him out, he refuses. We're definitely in a clingy-sort of relationship, but hey, while some people at my work have told me it's unhealthy, it works for me! Screw them. (Ahaha, sorry, my thoughts are running and going off-topic).

I hate days where I'm tired. When I'm forced to wake up early, my stomach is always upset and uncomfortable. Perhaps it's the birth control I take? But it's been this way for years …

And my eyes burn. And my nearsightedness gets worse. Worse yet, whenever I don't get my needed hours (8-9), my OCD really spikes.

I'm definitely not one of those numerous lucky people who can manage normally on lack of sleep. My boyfriend can. I suck at cash, I'm grouchy, my head hurts, everything aches, and I can't concentrate. It's a big flaw. I wish my body was able to run on at least six hours … but it it can't.

I wonder if I'll need less when I'm older? Oh how beneficial it would be if I could run on merely 6 hours …






  1. morella 12 years ago

    There’s no way to know how it will be for you, but I can tell you how it has been for me as an example.  Your profile says you are 21.  At 21, I couldn’t manage on 6 hours of sleep per night either.  I’m 30 now, and 6 hours is my average night’s sleep.  Right now my med changes are keeping me kind of tired, but even with that I am able to manage my day on 6 hours.  So there is hope that you will be able to decrease your required sleep as you get older.

    With that said, as far as I know the healthy amount of sleep at any age is 8 hours, so that’s the best plan if you can get that much sleep.  Virtually every therapist I’ve ever met says that more or less than 8 hours exacerbates mental illness and is also a symptom.

    As for your relationship, a certain level of codependence is healthy. However, if you’re concerned about his recent isolation, I would suggest asking him why he has chosen to do that. There may be a good reason that he hasn’t explained.

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  2. RandomGirl 12 years ago

    I personally have always been a night owl and even when I was teaching school, waking up early and getting to bed at a decent hour were huge struggles. But, I think it can be fixed with a lot of hard work and practice. I just never cared enough to do the hard work! I hate mornings. I hate that tired, burning eyes, stomach sensitive feeling that you mentioned. It could be birth control, that's a pretty common side effect.

    Be patient and compassionate with your boyfriend. Being a "stranger in a strangel land" has to be nerve wracking!

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