School, work, school, work, school, work. My life is so mundane and useless that I want to just get in my car and leave. I can't do that, but it sure would do me some good. I hate my mom. Her relationship with me is poisonous. Always comparing me to other girls my age. I'll never be good enough. I'm not pretty enough, I'm not making enough money, I'm not on the Dean's List. I'll never measure up. I honestly feel like I hate my entire family. They're all pieces of trash and I've never belonged with them. It's always been me against them. My mom is so quick to please everyone that she'll ignore me to appease her husband who beat the shit out of her, or my stepsister who denied the fact that we're related to 30 of my friends at once when I was in high school (she was the color guard coach). My brother who ignores me until he needs something or he's bored. My other brother who barely knows me. The rest of my family that's together all the time but we're stuck here being miserable. My brain won't stop moving and telling me to do this and that and this and that. I've been suicidal on and off for almost a decade, but I can't get help. Every time I get help my mom and I end up fighting. It's a never ending cycle. It's just pathetic. The only good things about my life are my boyfriend and my best friend. I want SO BADLY to get in my car and never come back. It would make me the happiest person alive to travel alone with no strings attached to anyone and never have to deal with the bullshit. That's been my whole life, just praying that someday I'll leave this place and never step foot on it again. I drink a lot. I daydream about the days when my mom was fucked up from being beaten and I could steal her vicodin and spend my days in a more tolerable state of mind. I really am pathetic.


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