Hoppy easter to those who celebrate. Hope the day has gone well. I know that family holidays can sometimes get the best of us with anxiety. Kids are in a sugar coma right now so i thought I would take the time to share some thoughts. We made it through a whole 45 min of easter services this morning! (kids) That is pretty good for our little ones! Joined Family this afternoon for dinner and I could feel the tension when I walked in the room. There went my good day. You see I was raised a mitionary baptist, most of my family being men of the cloth. But I for some reason had too many questions for them to answer growing up and sought out to find my faith in a variety of religious backgrounds. My family gets so disipointed when i dont show up to church with them especially on a holiday like easter. I think that they think I am escaping from my salvation, The devils got me or whatever. That I some how dishonor the family for not marrying into the religion or participating. I hate seing the disipointment in my grandmohthers eyes. I dont know how to make them understand that I have just as much faith as them in their god just not in their church. My husband is a devot cathlic. I go with him to services but I still feel silly with all the bowing and kneeling and crosing. I am just not use to it. but I like it because Evertime I go there is not someone trying to save my soal. How do they figure I dont have a relationship with the lord? just because I do not go to their church?Do I have to let them know that yes I study the bible,I pray , I struggle with my sins, If they really knew the lord ,and knew me they would see it . wouldent they? I dont know. just one of the things adding to the anxiety. I love my god. I am just not the type of person who flaunts it! and I enjoy my privacy. my faith is something I hold verry intimatly. Sometime I think they may think i am too unstable because of the anxiety and I must have demonds or something. I feel I am blessed. I am a verry sensitive person and though sometimes it gets the best of me other times I feel It opens my eyes to a world others cant even begin to understand. To be able to smell sweeter, touch softer, cry harder, understand greater. The down side is I wish i could just ignore the disipoitment i feel from my family when I come around. so hard to ignore it when you are soo sensitive to others emotions. they dont even have to say anything . Today like any day I will hide my frustration behind a smile. Dont know if i am fooling anyone but I will continue to smile hoping for a day when we can all be together free with out sin and sorrow, pide or prejudice, anxiety or depression.
have a peaceful day 🙂