Hoppy easter to those who celebrate. Hope the day has gone well. I know that family holidays can sometimes get the best of us with anxiety. Kids are in a sugar coma right now so i thought I would take the time to share some thoughts. We made it through a whole 45 min of easter services this morning! (kids) That is pretty good for our little ones! Joined Family this  afternoon for dinner and I could feel the tension when I walked in the room. There went my good day. You see I was raised a mitionary baptist, most of my family being men of the cloth. But I for some reason had too many questions for them to answer growing up and sought out to find my faith in a variety of religious backgrounds. My family gets so disipointed when i dont show up to church with them especially on a holiday like easter. I think that they think I am escaping from my salvation, The devils got me or whatever. That I some how dishonor the family for not marrying into the religion  or participating. I hate seing the disipointment in my grandmohthers eyes. I dont know how to make them understand that I have just as much faith as them in their god just not  in their church. My husband is a devot cathlic. I go with him  to services but I still feel silly with all the bowing and kneeling and crosing. I am just not use to it. but I like it because Evertime I go there is not someone trying to save my soal. How do they figure I dont have a relationship with the lord? just because I do not go to their church?Do I have to let them know that yes I study the bible,I pray , I struggle with my sins,   If they really knew the lord ,and knew me they would see it . wouldent they? I dont know. just one of the things adding to the anxiety. I love my god. I am just not the type of person who flaunts it! and I enjoy my privacy. my faith is something I hold verry intimatly. Sometime I think they may think i am too unstable because of the anxiety and I must have demonds or something. I feel I am blessed.  I am a verry sensitive person and though sometimes it gets the best of me other times I feel It opens my eyes to a world others cant even begin to understand. To be able to smell sweeter, touch softer, cry harder, understand greater.   The down side is I wish i could just ignore the disipoitment i feel  from my family when I come around. so hard to ignore it when you are soo sensitive to others emotions. they dont even have to say anything . Today like any day  I will hide my frustration behind a smile. Dont know if i am fooling anyone but I will continue to smile hoping for a day when we can all be together free with out sin and sorrow, pide or prejudice, anxiety  or depression.

have a peaceful day 🙂

1 Comment
  1. Lamia 13 years ago

    Gee Adi I am sorry to hear that your holiday got a damper put on it due to religious differences. I understand how you feel my family has somthing simular. I won't go into it but its was hard. I finally got to the point to where I don't talk to them during holidays. Too much tention to enjoy the season. Anyhoo, you should do what feels right to you and not follow what other people do just to make them happy. Its a short life and you have to find your happiness and faith where you feel it is. Try not to worry your family loves you anyway they just don't understand and if you are possesed because you have anxiety we would all be in trouble. Try to have a good rest of the Easter holiday.

    Lamia

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