So a panic attack COMES OUT OF THE FREAKIN' BLUE! And gives me no warning signs.. Just sitting here about to get on this site in my nice comfy pj's when BAM I'm in a state of depression and constant failure and overwhelmed over ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
So this time, i decided FUCK YOU PANIC ATTACKS and decided instead of doing the usual of keeping my feelings inside and just pacing around my house 7328493274 times I would let them out by writing. (I wrote this on a seperate piece of paper about 10 minutes ago.) Now, I'm back on here and my panic attack was defeated.. TAKE THAT!!
It's a poem about how I feel there is a key to fighting all of this panic, but the key is unattianable.. let me know what you think.
"The Key"
Oh the Places you'll Go,
Oh, the Places you'll see.
These thoughts spew like words,
but the words I will read.
A tremor, a twitch,
something scarred from within.
Your world in your mind,
scared of your own skin.
How to fix it you ask?
Well, it's hopeless you see.
Every colleague will tell you
you must find the key.
But the key is stored on a magical island,
behind clouds and palm trees
and buried in deep sand.
You must give up your stress
and live wild and free.
You must sing with smiles
and dance in the sea.
The problem comes in
When these things can't be done.
Your motivation factor
is zero to none.
Singing with smiles
is now running for miles.
Palm trees and sand
become unstable land.
So as you can see,
the key can't be reached.
It's an impossible journey
where clouds can't beat feats.
Oh, the places you'll go
Oh the places you'll see
Inside your own mind
is an un-obtainble key.
I can't really write poems that don't rhyme.. I'm not very creative.
Here's some other thoughts that I wrote whilst in the midst of a panic attack (these were written DURING the panic attack.. they might be a little, well, depressing. LOL)
Why must I feel this way?
Another day, another symptom.
1….2…..3…
breathe….
1….2….3….
brea..
STOP IT!! JUST STOP IT!!
Here it comes..
its coming..
Okay..I'm relaxed.
Wait… so it begins.
Remember, in.. out..
1……2……3…….
What will people think?
I need sleep but cannot relax…
Is it possible for a sane person to lose control?
Why can't I take a break?
Release everything and just..
let…go….
What else is there to let go?
No more responsibility
but it feels like I'm having
the world's burdens on my shoulder.
If I could just sit here all day.
Right here.
In this moment of slight relaxation
and progressive thought.
Oh, the things I wouldn't be able to do.
Freewriting they called it.
Why do I feel I have to write the right thing?
I wish these words to be inspiring,
Beautiful even.
But I know they are not. They make no sense and they twitter and twangle just like the thoughts running through my veins.
Is this excitement or sheer fear?
