I went back to school on Monday and a lot of events came onto my plate. I realized that not only are my classes hard as ever, but maybe, just maybe, I won't be able to handle the homework and attention load that it requires out of me. I always strain to do well in school, but I'm already straining with different events in my life that are NOT related with school. If we add both of those together? I may explode in frustration or agony.
On the day before school, though, I did release a lot of the anger and frustration that was holding me back from a lot of things. I told it to my parents who were some of the important people to tell all of it to when it all happened, not years or months later, but it was still good to get it off my chest.
Though now, they are as protective of me as ever.
I suppose you could say that the only reason I told them all the stuff I had deliberately been hiding from them for years was only because of Johnny. I believed (as did he) that my parents were beginning to blame him for all the misfortune that had come to me. I did not want that. Not at all. So I set them straight. Even if it meant telling them the truth that I'd been hiding.
My only question was "Keep the lies and let them think Johnny your love is hurting you or tell the lies and save Johnny from those horrible accusations?". And, of course, me being the person who would die for Johnny, I spilled out most of my guts.
Now they are as protective of me as ever, but I am happy and not as stressed about the old things.
I suppose God saw the relief I had and decided to make me load more on my plate with school. I know he always has a plan, but oh how I wish this plan works for my wishes real soon.