It is still hard for me to accept that in life, people can and will let you down. I don’t want to think that, because I’ve relied on people for my happiness. I could only be happy if I had friends, if everyone liked me or at least didn’t actively dislike me.
Now, in part because of my concealment of my depression and the alienation surrounding this past year…people dislike me, don’t accept me, have given up on me. It is overwhelming to start over when the clean slate I so desired is not there. I have so much anger regarding that, people giving up on me. I really needed things to be okay, but maybe, with certain people, it never will be. But even though I say that, I don’t believe it, or really feel it and the words lay dead on my tounge. I think I have to believe them though, live and survive by them, because I’ve learned, at least for me, if people can let you down they will.
I feel like people in gerneral are self centered and out for their own gain. I just don’t believe in people’s hummanity the way I used to. Maybe that in part is due to the fact that I’ve been mostly holed up in my house since feb. I don’t talk to anyone but my family, too angry at friends from college and too afraid of alienating friends at home. I am a complete loser with no friends. I can’t even get a part time job right now, which makes me feel like I’m never going to succeed. I mean, how am I going to get a good paying job when I’m a lawyer when I can’t even bag a min wage job? It freaks me out and I just don’t need another bad thing to think about the future.
Hey, yeah my "friends" are super two faced and fake…atleast the majority of them are. I don”t know why they can be so cruel and selfish! It seems like most any teenage or young female is insecure so they try to hide it by putting others down. I try my best to be nice to everyone regardless of how cool or "who they are", it sucks though because then they”ll like turn on people that are actually nice like you, and like me and it”s not fair at all. I”m sorry you”re going through a really hard time, but you most definately aren”t a loser at all, mean people in general are. You should maybe try to look for nice and genuine people to be friends with, I have been recently because I”m getting too fed up with my stuck up friends. And about the part time job, the economy is crap right now so it”s really difficult to find a job, but no worries for the future you”ll be able to get any job you want esp. since you are in college. Good luck and I hope things start to get better for you!!!!!:)