I can't quite put my finger on what's pissing me off right now, but I'm really not happy. I think a large part of it may be about this job that I friken made myself agree to because I thought that it would be a good opportunity for me and good money…but now I honestly don't give a sh*t about either one.

I agreed to be an "aid," for this kid with Autism who I met when I was doing my undergrad. He was in some of my classes because he was there with this program based out of the local highschool where this woman created a group to prepare teens with mental and developmental disabilaties (and even some with OCD), to prepare for adulthood and college life. So Imet this kid Justin, and his aid at the time who was the founder of this group because he was in some of my art classes. Justin became friendly with me and was always happy to talk to me in class and so his aid told me, "Hey you would be great to work with him," so I thought this might be a good route for me to look into for a career.

So a few weeks ago, his aid calls me and tells me that they're looking for a "support person" for Justin to go with him into New York City where he will be taking a night class…so I though, great! I have nothing else going on right now, and working with people like him may be a career oppportunity for me, so I met with his RELENTLESS, naggggggy, controlling mother and decided to take the job EVEN THOUGH, I HATE the city-absolutly despise it, never liked it and every time that I have been to the city I've either gotten sick or gotten a panic attack…I hate pollution, crowds and all the commercial noise that bombards you in the city, and I only live about 30 minutes from it over in Jersey. BUT, I felt like I needed to accept it anyway because I felt like, "If I don't atleast give it a try, then I'm just being picky, and immature and weak," so I bit the bullet and last Thursday was my first day…and I came home fuming…my stomach killed me, I was irratated as all hell from A) his PAIN IN THE ASS MOTHER, B) getting knocked into by snobby city people left and right, and last but not least…the SUBWAY STATION…You have never felt dirty enough until you have been inside a busy subway station…it smells like pee, because there IS pee in there, its congested and packed with people and wait till you get on the subway…then you get to stand less then 5 inches from a perfect strangers face…that was fun…

THen we get OFF the subway because he mother so convienintly told me in her silverly little voice, "OOOOh its only about 2 blocks away from the subway"…NO-it was NOT "only 2 blocks" from the damn subway….it felt more like freakin 4 or 5 blocks….then I GET to the class with Justin, and afterwards his mother was there waiting for us DRILLING MY FREAKIN BRAIN with TRIVIAL bullshit questions…."OOhhh so what did you do? what was the assignment? Did Justin interrupt? how did he do, how long did you do THIS in the class, how long did you do THAT in the class, WHY did you learn THIS in the class, what ELSE did you do in the class, well what about the homework, can you give more specifics about the homework, that's not enough specifics of the homewor-OH MY GOD SHUT THE F UP!!!!!!!!

THEN since Thursday, Justin has been calling me, texting me, he called me twice last night and I didn't pick up because there is no reason why he should be calling me, he doesn't call his other aids and his mother by now knows enough about the assignment and the class to open up her own damn school and teach the lesson….THEN I accepted his friend request on facebook and since then he has sent me 9 MESSAGES ina ROW…I accepted his friend request yesterday….he's saying things like, "I'm really proud of you for coming with me to class, you did such a good job in class, whats your favorite this, I'll see you on Monday (when I tutor him), I'll see you on Monday…over and over again and its actually pissing me off….I don't care at this point how cold I sound…

He's not lonley, he HAS friends and a bunch of other teachers who he's working with who are my age, and he has a mother who doesn;t let him breathe his own air, so its not that he's jiust lonley….I hate this job, but last week I was like, "I can't quite I need the money…but at this point, I am so stressed out between having to treck into the city, dealing with that mother of his and now dealing with these phone calls, messages, and texts from Justin…I want to quit but then I'm scared of what his mother is going to say…she DOESN'T LISTEN TO NO…I don't even want to have the conversation with her…but I'm DREADING going into the city this week..I don't know what to do..but I know I don't want this job and everyone envolved in it is stressing me out and pissing me off

5 Comments
  1. Kuroi 10 years ago

    It almost seems like he may have a crush on you. Perhaps your the first women he is able to be this close with considering the type of mother he has I wouldn’t be surprised. Anyway I would suggest trying to relax if it’s that stress full then it really isn’t worth it. =\

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  2. breakthecircle 10 years ago

     Awe Jess, I am so sorry. Hang in there luv. A few thoughts… you have asked yourself a lot of good questions, the most important of which is "why did I do this." Sometimes it is very hard for us to say "no"- most especially in situations where there is a perceived sense that we have a moral obligation to help someone who society deems as weaker than we are. 

     

    I've been doing a lot of work on the difference between love and pity as of late. Perhaps this applies to this situation. It seems to me, you may have stepped into this situation because you felt pity for this person and his mother's situation. It seems you have a big heart, and it is easy to see how this can happen. The thing is, when we do things out of pity, there is always an unequal power dynamic in the relationship, and this often leads to resentments.

     

    Please know that especially as you are recovering from OCD, your main obligation is to yourself. I know you probably accepted this position out of some level of guilt and perceived obligation, but, don't let anyone control you with guilt or with pity. You are not any less of a person, if you decide that you need to take care of yourself.

     

    It may help these people (if you are not afraid to disclose this) to know that you are struggling with OCD and that this situation is setting off panic attacks and that, as much as you want to help this kid, you recognize this is too much right now.  They may be able to understand and have empathy for your situation especially because they deal with a child that has his own challenges.

     

    Whatever happens, don't be afraid to say, "no"- and know that you are no less of a person for coming to this conclusion.  You have your limits, as we all do, and that is healthy. Most especially, don't be afraid of their reactions. Their happiness is not your responsibility.

     

    Take care,

     

    BTC

     

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  3. Dragonwalker 10 years ago

    I would say give it another week if you can. But as 'break the circle' said, you have to think of your own health too and if this may set you back then it isn't worth it at all. My OCD is very connected to emotions. For example I can touch money, but if a certain person has touched something then I cannot. Often that person, or place has negative emotions attached to it. OCD is a mind game and so if something is going to affect you this negatively with no 'reward' (except money) then it may not be worth it. If you let it make your OCD worse, then not only would you have to stop helping him anyway, you will be less use to yourself too and that is not worth it.

    We are here for you.

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  4. Jessealuvseashells 10 years ago

    Thanks everyone…I ended up having a panic attack this past weekend because I was DREADING going back to the city again, so I ended up calling up the mother and telling her that I couldn't do the trip into the city anymore.

    Apparantly, I'm still going to be tutoring her son, and that is local but again, the kid is STILL sending me text messages, blowing up my facebook wall, and e-mailing me.  When I tutored him this past Monday, he was saying to me, "JESSICA, I sent you text messages and I sent you e-mails on facebook and I sent you pictures of deer because I know you love deer, did you get any of my messages?" 

    This isn't a comfortable situation for me, I realized. I'm not a cold person, but this kid who I'm tutoring is not a kid, he's only 2 years younger than me, and I can't help but feel a wierd, feeling that he may have a crush on me and that triggers this anger and this rage in me and I'm not sure why.  It may be because I then get images in my head of him havin sexual thoughts about me and I get grossed out and freaked out….so I don't know, I guess thats another thing I'll have to deal with.

    Thanks again everyone

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  5. Dragonwalker 10 years ago

    You definitely did the correct thing in not going into the city anymore if it is going to get you that upset. The thing now is to stop the harrassment. I would say be kind but honest. Tell him that you really like being his tutor, but perhaps it is best if it stays professional and that you have so much going on inyour life that you don't have time to read or answer his messages or posts. He is autistic so he may not be able to recognise what is socially acceptable in this circumstance. You need to be honest with him. See how it goes. If it gets really bad then you should tell him that you have decided to reduce the number of friends you have on FB because of all the new rules and less security (apparently people have to actively unsubscribe to you now or all their friends can see your posts too). Just some ideas on how to handle it without hurting his feelings.

     

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