So i guess this is my first vlog. I’ve never done anything like this before I mean most little girls had a diary as a kid but its different to post online. Most of my diaries as a kid were full of different crushes I had. It was practically a new one every week sometimes I would try to decide between two. I didn’t realize what it implied at the time hardly thought kid crushes would be so significant.

Now I’m in high school starting my senior year and I’ve gone through trouble with a bad cheating habit. Till this day I still haven’t had a steady relationship without cheating. It wasn’t until a few months ago that I discovered I’m polyamorous and it has destroyed so many of my relationships.

Polyamory is an emotional attraction to more than one person. I can’t be in the only acceptable form of relationship; monogamy. Polyamory isn’t really normal yet and most people I’ve met haven’t accepted it. Some people say that they will look past it but that is far from acceptance. I have been labeled a slut and a whore my whole life so much so that I’ve come to embrace the harmful labels and own them even using them to describe myself.

Now I have a boyfriend who I think I can be loyal to and I love him. I haven’t heard from him in over 2 days now…. He’s long distance on the other side of the country but he’s been visiting here for the past month and that’s how we met. Now he is going back home, he’s looking to move to be with me but I don’t know how long it will be until then. I’m afraid of cheating and losing him because of my sexuality. Polyamory isn’t wrong but I’m afraid it’s ruining my life.