So it's been roughly 5 years since I first joined this site. It has been one of my fears to put anything on the Internet for all to see. I know I'm going to regret putting this on later, but I will strive to suck it up 😉 hence the one and only blog from me since I joined.After my one and only post, things got a lot worse and was debilitated (as we all would know the feeling). I eventually admitted myself into a Mental clinic where they had the best OCD program in Australia (so I've been told). I was there for a month, doing two separate intensive program's for OCD and anxiety and depression. I found them extremely beneficial. That was 2010, while I was pregnant with my second son. Anyway, a lot has happened since then, and am now “dependent on alcohol” as well as the OCD etc. self medication clearly does not work!!! so in a month or so, I will be attending a detox and rehab program at the same centre, as well as the OCD and anxiety and depression program. I feel like an absolute failure! I've had enough! I'm sick of my kids missing out on their “happy go lucky” mum….it is not fair to them. I often wonder if they would be better off living with their dad who takes them to fun places etc. I do care, love, support, provide and embrace them, but don't take them out nearly as often as I should. This kills me! Even tonight they are with my parents because I can't cope at the moment. Anyway, just feeling really crappy, and thought I would try to let it all out. Sorry about the lengthiness of this blog. Hope others are feeling well and confident.
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Don't give up and stay positive! Self-medicating doesn't help, that's for sure. I have been there and done that. You obviously love and adore your children. They would be no better off with anyone else.
I self-medicated with alcohol for a while too before I got an official diagnosis of OCD – I didn't know what was wong with me and the alcohol helped the anxiety and stress of my OCD symptoms. You certainly are not the only person who self-medicates, so don't be too hard on yourself – the important thing is that you are aware of the issue and are going to detox and are going to try to fix it. I say you are on the right track and should be proud!
Thank you guys so much. I'm looking forward to the programs. Marnella, did you find it made everything worse once you were sober the next day? I understand it makes us feel better at the time but it just puts you 10 steps back the next day. And Sarclar, thank you. That means a lot to me. Montesino, I have no doubt they will. There's no option when you hit rock bottom, than to go up.