I feel like an idiot writing another blog right now; nobody's posted a blog since the last time I posted one. But I'm going crazy. It's almost 5:00 in the morning and I'm still here on my computer. Why? I DON'T KNOW!!!! I couldn't stop playing games–mostly 3D worm. Well, at least I finally got a score of 30 even though it won't show up on the high scores since almost everyone else has, too. 😛

I don't want to go to bed. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just tired of the same thing every morning. When it's night, I can relax. But every "morning" (I don't usually get up 'til noon or 1pm) I have to go through all the same things. Find something I feel like wearing and put it on; find all the cats and tell them good morning–usually, I have to take awhile talking to them and cuddling, petting, kissing, etc. them–there are eight of them, so that can take awhile. Sometimes I'm able to only take a few minutes doing this–on good days. Take my meds, use the bathroom–won't gointo the details of how long that can take me. ugh. Doesn't usually take me long, but it's stressful since I'm so compulsive about wiping and washing up.Put on my boots (thankfully,I just have to slip those on),hat, andjacket and run outside to tellthe dogs good morning. Sometimes that onlytakes me aminute ortwo. Other times, it takes me 5-10minutes. Not that I usuallykeep track. Then I come back in andlet the inside dogand one of the cats out of their crate (the dog hasto be in there at night or he'll eat the cat food; this one cat has to bein thereat night or she'llchase theshy kitties andwon't stop bothering them). Put a leash on the cat, let thelittle dog outside to do his business and stretch his legs. I watch him from the door the whole time, while holding onto the cat's leash. By this time, I'm getting very hungry, especially since I took my meds on an empty stomach…. It's TIRING!!! To top that off, my favorite news commentary showis on at 1pm, so I try toget up before that–otherwise, who knows how late I'd let myself sleep in. For that matter, who knows how late I'd stay up the night before. So anyway, if I don't get up early enough,I'll end up missing abunchof it while I'm doingall this other stuff. It's the one thing that really stimulates my brain to get me into theday. Weird, I know.

I wouldn't really mind most of this, except for the cat and dog who have to be in the crate atnight. See, they're not mine. They're my sister's. Before she moved back herearound September, I never had to deal with them–shedidn't even have themwhen she lived here before. Theoretically, they'd be fine all day in the crate until my sister gets home and lets them out. She takes them out in the morningbefore she goes to work, too. But I feel like I should let them out and givethem more freedom. But it gets tiring dealing with them. That dog is obsessed with food andwon't stay away from the catfood. Thecat will always eventually go running upstairs totheone refuge the shy kitties have. I sure wish Icould trust those freaks. Some days I just feel like I'm trapped. I used to be able tojust go outside to do things whenever I wanted to. But now it'sa hassle–I have to put the dog and cat back in thecrate. Then I feel guilty becausethey have to be cooped up longer than "necessary." They're not even my responsibility, but I can't stopfeeling responsiblefor them. I'm justgetting so sick of it.

I just need to stopletting all these things get tome and resolve to be happy and enjoy all the little adventures life brings.Today was actually prettygood.

I really miss my cat. It was a little over a year ago that she had her surgery to remove a cancerous tumor. So it's the same time of year thatI had a lot of my last days with her. Why can't she be here? I really love the newkitty that I have now, but why can't I have both of them? She's supposedto be here. I'm so tired of getting upin the morning and not finding her waiting for me on my chair.

Sorry for the extremely long blog. I must seem really self-absorbed. Either that or extremely troubled. lol

1 Comment
  1. ocdmama 11 years ago

    Its a good thing to let your feelings out!I bet that is tiring it seems like it!Im here if you need ot talk anytime 🙂

    0 kudos

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