So it's been roughly 5 years since I first joined this site. It has been one of my fears to put anything on the Internet for all to see. I know I'm going to regret putting this on later, but I will strive to suck it up 😉 hence the one and only blog from me since I joined.After my one and only post, things got a lot worse and was debilitated (as we all would know the feeling). I eventually admitted myself into a Mental clinic where they had the best OCD program in Australia (so I've been told). I was there for a month, doing two separate intensive program's for OCD and anxiety and depression. I found them extremely beneficial. That was 2010, while I was pregnant with my second son. Anyway, a lot has happened since then, and am now “dependent on alcohol” as well as the OCD etc. self medication clearly does not work!!! so in a month or so, I will be attending a detox and rehab program at the same centre, as well as the OCD and anxiety and depression program. I feel like an absolute failure! I've had enough! I'm sick of my kids missing out on their “happy go lucky” mum….it is not fair to them. I often wonder if they would be better off living with their dad who takes them to fun places etc. I do care, love, support, provide and embrace them, but don't take them out nearly as often as I should. This kills me! Even tonight they are with my parents because I can't cope at the moment. Anyway, just feeling really crappy, and thought I would try to let it all out. Sorry about the lengthiness of this blog. Hope others are feeling well and confident.

3 Comments
  1. Sarclar 9 years ago

    Don't give up and stay positive!  Self-medicating doesn't help, that's for sure.  I have been there and done that.  You obviously love and adore your children.  They would be no better off with anyone else.

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  2. marnella 9 years ago

    I self-medicated with alcohol for a while too before I got an official diagnosis of OCD – I didn't know what was wong with me and the alcohol helped the anxiety and stress of my OCD symptoms. You certainly are not the only person who self-medicates, so don't be too hard on yourself – the important thing is that you are aware of the issue and are going to detox and are going to try to fix it. I say you are on the right track and should be proud!

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  3. jlou 9 years ago

    Thank you guys so much. I'm looking forward to the programs. Marnella, did you find it made everything worse once you were sober the next day? I understand it makes us feel better at the time but it just puts you 10 steps back the next day. And Sarclar, thank you. That means a lot to me. Montesino, I have no doubt they will. There's no option when you hit rock bottom, than to go up.

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