I thought I was making some progress in learning better social skills. I thought I owed it to my friends as well as myself to try. I have a tendency to be a downer so I decided if things were bad  or not exactly ideal I would play it up in a more positive way, like a "Brave Face." I know it sounds phony but I see no other alternative than being my true self thus scaring everyone away. 

A dear friend, the one who encouraged me to join this site, got married out of the blue in a small ceremony. I consider her one of my best friends and was crushed that I was not asked to attend. She now is moving away this coming weekend and decides to tell me today. I saw this coming from another friend's email and I know I'm being selfish and sensitive but I am really hurt that I wasn't one of the first to know. Am I really that bad of a friend? She would have been one of the first to know if anything like this was happening in my life. She wants to see me this week to say her goodbyes and part of me really wants to confront her but my brave face is telling me not to. I really am hurt that I come up so short on her list when I was one of the few to support her in everything that transpired. I can't help but wonder what I did wrong.

And it's not just with her, it seems like with all my other friends I am always the last to know about anything. Like I am nothing more than an obligation to them. I know I'm not perfect and I have my shortcomings but I am trying so hard. I put on my brave face and wave it off like it's no big deal but I can't take it anymore. I don't want to be like Micheal Scott on "The Office" where I have to find things out through the grape vine and invite myself. I want to belong somewhere for once but it seems like I never will so why try with my brave face anymore?

1 Comment
  1. ktbothum 12 years ago

    It just seems like I put as much effort as I can to let my friends know that I care and I get nothing back in return. I don't ask for much, just some acknowledgement. Most of my friends are married or married with children so I know I have to back off, I would just like to not be that pity friend who they feel obligated to play catch up with. Ya know?

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