I found out on New Years Eve that I am finally pregnant. I dunno–I was expecting all this emotional fanfare, but I'm not feeling emotional AT ALL. I mean, sure, I'm delighted as hell and anxious to see how things pan out, but no mushy-gushy-weepy womanly stuff. More like "Damn, my boobs hurt and I'm hungry again."
Could be because I'm still weaning myself off my meds. I'm down to a dwindling 10 mg of Citalopram (Celexa). Bottom line is, I don't WANT the emotional roller coaster that typically comes with pregnancy. I enjoy being a cool cucumber, but I do worry that I'll eventually see my child and be like… "Meh, whatever."
Maybe it's just because it's early. Anyway, my biggest worry is being a shitty, emotionally absent mother. I am, after all, walking proof of what that does to a person.
DH and I are bursting at the seams, trying to keep it a secret from the rest of the world until the end of February. He's already told his three sister, their spouses, our next door neighbor and one of the cops he works with on the weekends. Jeez… >_> I told my brother, sister, and my mom, whose response was a flimsy "Ohhhhh…and what does J think?"
I came close to telling her that J (DH) was in the process of moving all my stuff into the garage, but I was nice and just told her he was happy.
I seem to remember my mother being excited over my sister's pregnancies, but maybe she got the lame"Ohhhhhh…" too.
My sister's excuse will be her three kids and whichever millions of summer sports she and her husband are coaching, because they have no lives of their own. My best friend E is under house arrest until 2017–oh, Jesus, don't even ask!So, I'm probably going to have to pretend that my mother is throwing the baby shower that I will inevitably be throwing myself in late August or early September. My mother has NEVER thrown my sister–who had three kids–a shower and she will undoubtedly never think to do such a thing for me. The same way she never really involved herself in the torturous planning of my wedding.
Funny, that I remember her throwing showers for her friends when I was growing up. She's always been a great friend to everyone but her own children.
Congratulations on your future son or daughter!
Is this your first child??
What would you rather have, boy or girl?
Dont let your fears consume you! Like you said, you know what it's like. You know what its like to be abbandoned. You have the power to give your little one everything you never had.
Focus on the good things. You don't want the baby to form in a negative enviroment. The best way to do this, in my experience is to make a gratitude list in which you list all the thingss going right in your life. Best wishes and vongratulations.