I suppose that, in reality, I do have something to look forward to and for that I should be grateful. I am soon to lose this roommate that has been a problem for me for a very long time.

In fact I know I will feel better because we've been through this before (stupid me!) and when he finally got himself and his junk out of my house, I felt very much better. Why is he here again with another bunch of junk? Because I am an idiot slow-learner! After he got out the first time he slowly worked his way back in through a series of deceptions. And unfortunately, his process of getting out is very slow. I gave him until December and it is almost here, and I see no progress. Last time I went as far as to consider getting help from law enforcement to get him out. I told him someone else was coming to stay with me and would need the room by7/15/ 09 (a date I won't forget) and that was what finally got him out. But it was at the very last minute because someone actually was coming to stay in that room and there was no time to clean it in advance. I was really mad about that. This time, I feel guilty because someone is NOT actually coming. It was something that was being considered for a while, but is not going to happen, but I told him it is going to happen anyway. I just want him out.

I have known him for 7-1/2 years. He has serious problems. He doesn't have a steady job and doesn't help out financially. He's a hoarder, and I also think he may be a drug-addict or alcholic or both, OCD and AADD bipolar and a few other things. He starts bringing crap into my house then junk collects everywhere. He does not respect me when I ask him to get rid of things or clean up after himself.

I have a hard time dealing with my own problems I don't need someone else's too. I am praying he is out of here by December 1. Then maybe, just maybe, I might dare to come out of my room, clean up my house, start fixing up and painting, and even making some kind of future plans for my own life. Wow, that sounds really huge to me. I know to most normal people it would seem just like the right thing to do, so let's get busy and get it done, and probably without any help from anyone else. But it's not that way for me. Small steps are like enormous to me. I'll get a very short little burst of energy and the drive to do something, get very little done, then give up. I haven't always been like that. I used to be able to get into projects and finish them. It's been a while since I've been able to. The depression just seems to keep taking more and more away from me.