I have been feeling so Blah lately… like I am always searching for distractions, trying to keep from focusing on myself.
…I feel really, really lonely.
Q – Do I have any genuine friends? I think I need to be a friend to someone else first, right? I have not reached out to anyone new in weeks….. or at least I do not feel like I have.
I did meet a really intriguing and beautiful person though… Mackenzie, god she has a great smile. She even gives me hugs!! After knowing her for what, three weeks? Just thinking about getting a hug from her makes me tear up. 🙂 You have no idea how long it has been since I have actually been touched by another human!! Anything, just a simple touch on the arm or shoulder and I start to melt. I don’t feel lonely when I am with her… Time passes by and I don’t even notice, I am content when I am with her. 🙂
We sit in that pottery studio, making things, chatting, seeing each other….. being present in that moment, together. Listening to her. giving her all of my focus. This feels like a vacation from my own mind, it is blissful. I go there every day there is open studio time…. five days a week I walk in there with hope in my heart. 🙂 ~♥~
And I never want these days to end. I head home smiling, thinking about the next time we will be together… what stories can I tell her, Funny observations, ideas, random wonderings…. just feeling close. 🙂
Oh, did I tell you?? Two new chicks have hatched!! Awesome, I am counting down days on the calendar, coming up on 21 days with Francine aka Furball (she is a Silkie) touching her feels like petting a cloud. 🙂 She is being an awesome Mom, always protecting them , keeping them warm.
When was he last time that I had that warm and fuzzy feeling from another human? No particular time leaps to mind other than time with Mackenzie. 🙂
I don’t really know if I ever really feel happy in the apartment, I feel safe, insulated, but not connected. …Listening to Mel: 70% of adults feel lonely. We are meant to feel connected…. I am paraphrasing here…. Feeling lonely in the middle of a crowd? This is me every day. Yes, I feel happier even after talking to a stranger…
Don’t laugh, but I talk aloud to myself all the time… this gets less strange looks when I have an ear bud in in one ear… They think I am talking to another human, I can keep a nearly endless and continuous conversation going with imaginary friends, dinner plans, asking about their kids…. probably why I talk to my animals.
I do feel connected when I am working with students. 🙂 I forget myself when I am working with them!!
Q – is this why I am feeling so blah, like I am always searching for distractions, trying to keep from focusing on myself? When was he last time that I had that warm and fuzzy feeling from another human? Nothing leaps to mind.
I don’t really know if I ever really feel happy in the apartment, I feel safe, insulated, but not connected. 70% of adults feel lonely. We are meant to feel connected…. I am paraphrasing here…. feeling lonely in the middle of a crowd? This is me every day. I feel connected when I am working with students.
I’m sorry you feel this way. I understand the feeling of loneliness all too well.
I don’t consider that I have friends at all. Acquaintances, yeah ok, sure, mostly from work and almost entirely AT work, but actual friends I see on our own time? Even just one? nope.
There is no one I can call for a girls’ night out, or an afternoon over, or an evening in for watching movies. There is no one who calls me… for anything. Except my man, and then only when he requires something from me. It’s never just to talk or say he loves me. Doesn’t matter that intellectually I know he loves me when he so rarely shows it.
I’m so starved for affection, too. Not romance, just… you know… A Friend Who Cares And Is Nice.
And the worst part of that is how so very many of us feel the exact same way. We want someone who cares, and there isn’t anyone.
I wish all of us lonely, friendless people could get together and be each other’s friend.
I’m so glad you have the pottery studio you can visit. Just having a place that’s not your apartment to go and make stuff has to be good for you. And bonus, you have a friend there to enjoy the time with you! I make stuff, but it’s all in my apartment. I need to find a place to go where I can create outside of my living space. I feel like we all need a home away from home, a safe space that’s still exposes us to the larger world around us.
Here is something to think about…. I can carry my phone with me for most of the day, everyday….and almost no one calls me.
Sending hugs – Iris