I have been feeling so Blah lately… like I am always searching for distractions, trying to keep from focusing on myself.

…I feel really, really lonely.

Q – Do I have any genuine friends?  I think I need to be a friend to someone else first, right? I have not reached out to anyone new in weeks….. or at least I do not feel like I have.

I did meet a really intriguing and beautiful person though… Mackenzie, god she has a great smile.  She even gives me hugs!! After knowing her for what, three weeks?  Just thinking about getting a hug from her makes me tear up.  🙂  You have no idea how long it has been since I have actually been touched by another human!! Anything, just a simple touch on the arm or shoulder and I start to melt.  I don’t feel lonely when I am with her…  Time passes by and I don’t even notice, I am content when I am with her. 🙂

We sit in that pottery studio, making things, chatting, seeing each other….. being present in that moment, together. Listening to her. giving her all of my focus.  This feels like a vacation from my own mind, it is blissful.  I go there every day there is open studio time…. five days a week I walk in there with hope in my heart. 🙂 ~♥~

And I never want these days to end.  I head home smiling, thinking about the next time we will be together…  what stories can I tell her,  Funny observations, ideas, random wonderings…. just feeling close. 🙂

Oh, did I tell you??  Two new chicks have hatched!!  Awesome, I am counting down days on the calendar, coming up on 21 days with Francine aka Furball (she is a Silkie) touching her feels like petting a cloud.  🙂  She is being an awesome Mom, always protecting them , keeping them warm.

When was he last time that I had that warm and fuzzy feeling from another human? No particular time leaps to mind other than time with Mackenzie.   🙂

I don’t really know if I ever really feel happy in the apartment, I feel safe, insulated, but not connected.   …Listening to Mel: 70% of adults feel lonely. We are meant to feel connected…. I am paraphrasing here…. Feeling lonely in the middle of a crowd? This is me every day.  Yes, I feel happier even after talking to a stranger…

Don’t laugh, but I talk aloud to myself all the time… this gets less strange looks when I have an ear bud in in one ear… They think I am talking to another human,  I can keep a nearly endless and continuous conversation going with imaginary friends, dinner plans, asking about their kids…. probably why I talk to my animals. 

I do feel connected when I am working with students.  🙂  I forget myself when I am working with them!!

Q – is this why I am feeling so blah, like I am always searching for distractions, trying to keep from focusing on myself? When was he last time that I had that warm and fuzzy feeling from another human? Nothing leaps to mind.

I don’t really know if I ever really feel happy in the apartment, I feel safe, insulated, but not connected. 70% of adults feel lonely. We are meant to feel connected…. I am paraphrasing here…. feeling lonely in the middle of a crowd? This is me every day. I feel connected when I am working with students.