I was able to get in to see my psychiatrist today. I last saw him 9/15 and when I went to schedule on the way out, his next available was 12/10! So I have been calling to see if he has had any cancelations. I was lucky when I called today because they had two open slots. I wish they'd keep a list of people who want to get in sooner and call us when there is a cancelation. But they won't do that. They'd rather have us call all the time and check. I guess they think we'll give up and just wait. I'd rather have a list so that I could almost always have a full schedule. I mean, I could call at 9 in the morning and nothing is open and someone could call 15 minutes later and I'd never know and they wouldn't bother to call me back. Sometimes I wish I ran the world. Not really; too much pressure.

It was a good visit with him. Made a few meds adjustments. Got 90 day supplies of those meds. Insurance is such a pain. They only let you get two 30 day supplies at the local pharmacy and then you have to go to the mail order for 90 days. I have a boat load of unused meds where I was on it for 30 days and then ordered the 3 month supply only to change meds a few weeks later because it wasn't working out. I know they want to cut costs, but havinga stash of meds you'll never use isn't saving costs.

Doc said I need to work on doing things I enjoy. I have no pleasures in life. But he felt like I was handling the stresses in my life rather well. That surprised me because I think I am falling apart with working on my daughter's wedding in December, my Dad's mortality and volunteering for the marching band booster club. (Huge and last competition is this Saturday. If any of you are from Louisiana, come watch the show in Lafayette. It's wonderful entertainment). I told him that once my Dad passes away and my daughter is married, I will take the time to get back into group therapy for a while. I just don't have time to devote to that. Insurance won't pay unless you attend consistently at least 3 days a week and you don't get to take time off for vacation. I think they let me slide for a week for my Dad's funeral, but I want to be with him before a dies and then with my Mom after he does. So I'll just wait a little longer. I left group in June right after my uncle died. Been too busy to go back. I've been going to see my parents every month for a week at the time. Then I play catch up at home on housework and volunteering and then it is time to go again. Staying busy does keep me from dwelling on negative thoughts and suicide ideation. But I feel like it is just postponing me dealing with the real issues. I'll be like Scarlett O'Hara; I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.