Hi and welcome to my first blog post! Here’s a little background on me…

im an 18 year old teenage girl who loves all things relating sleep, caffeine, cats, and food. I used to be super passionate over video games, writing, reading and singing but I’ve gotten lazy with all those lately.

I take 150 mg Sertraline and 2 mg apripozole to combat my anxiety, depression and pure o OCD. For a while these two made me feel completely normal and at ease with life… I miss feeling so happy and confident. Now I’ve completely reverted back to how I was prior to medication; depressed, I satisfied with life, constantly feeling lonely, lacking self esteem, blaming myself for everything, constantly worrying and crying… it sucks.

and I’m not looking for any sort of pity. But I’m getting so fed up with life lately. I just want to be happy and make others happy. I’m tired of arguing with others and feeling like a piece of shit after. I’m tired of upsetting others because I’m always upset. I’m tired of worrying about how I’m affecting others and if others care about me…

I’m just tired.

i have the most wonderful boyfriend ever and I can’t be satisfied. I always wonder about what he sees in me, and I feel because of my anxiety he will become fed up with me soon. I know it’s irrational because he told me otherwise and he just wants to help, but I worry anyhow. I worry he doesn’t love me and he talks about our sex life to his guy friends. I worry that he objectifies me. I worry that my only purpose for him is to provide sex, which I know is entirely untrue but I still worry. I really don’t want to lose him but it’s like my anxiety is trying to steer him away.

j constantly feel alone no matter what situation I’m in, and o feel like others don’t fully care or understand me. I worry I put more into others than they out into me.

I just dont don’t know what to do anymore. I want to be happy again… not even for myself, but so others can be happy around me.