womanly issues. men, you have been warned. haha.

a little background here.. my mom is taking my sister to the gyno tomorrow to start her on birth control to help stop her horrible cramps and crap, and im going along too because id prefer to be more regulated, im not sexually active but i dont know how long thats going to last now that im out of high school so i want birth control, and i thought they’d do a pelvic exam. and one of my anxiety issues is about cancer.. and it’s really been freaking me out, and i have a bump and i dont know if it’s a cyst or what because i read cervical cancer is really rare in virgins, but i know its there and it did NOT help my anxiety and i just need the peace of mind of knowing it’s benign. but they said since neither of us are sexually active they’re just going to take our blood pressure and crap and send us on our way. and i explained to my mom that i wanted to do the full exam, telling her my friends all just went and i want to get the first one over with while im mentally prepared (because im not telling my mom i found a bump on my cervix. that would just be.. awkward. i think id sooner let myself die.) and she said she’d call and ask if they’d do it and she DIDN’T. and she’s like “well just tell her you want her to do it, its not like she’ll say no.”

RIGHT THATS NOT GOING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE AT ALL.

So the rest of this rant is copied from my forum, because im too upset to retype it…

so my mom is taking me and my 14 year old sister to the gyno together tomorrow.

am i the only one that thinks thats REALLY horrendously awkward? like seriously. i think i might be sick.

and she ended up deciding she’s going to refuse to call and ask if theyll do the full exam for me, and said, “well if you ask her to do it im sure she will.”

so i have to come up with a way to ask her to do the whole exam without feeling like a jackass, and im going to be upset enough about being in there and truth be told im probably not going to be able to ask. so now im just fucking pissed. i REALLY need the fucking exam. i just want to get the first one the fuck over with while i am mentally prepared for it and i already have to be there, and the anxiety problems im having with not being SURE theres nothing wrong with me is TOO FUCKING MUCH TO HANDLE. i need this.

and i was just trying to explain to her that im going to be too embarassed to say anything, and she’s like “it’s only a big deal if you make it one!”

I HAVE A FUCKING ANXIETY DISORDER YOU STUPID MORON I CANT HELP BUT BE AFRAID TO DO THINGS SOMETIMES. i dont want to PUKE on the fucking doctor. which is exactly what the fuck im going to do. i am going to PUKE EVERYWHERE. and then she wont be able to do any part of any exam, im going to look stupid, im going to be too embarassed to come back, AND IM GOING TO GET CANCER AND DIE.

my mom doesnt understand. i dont see how, she’s seen it happen enough times. when i get anxious, i vomit. every time. even if im anxious about a good thing. i throw up. its uncontrollable. i cant help it. and under pressure, like ill be at the fucking doctor trying not to throw up, i cry. im going to cry and im going to throw up and im not even going to end up getting the fucking exam i want. why would it be so horrible for her to just do one thing to make it easier for me. she thinks that just because im not pregnant like she was for her first gyno visit its not anything to be worried about. nevermind the fact that she watched me have a breakdown in the emergency room when they thought i might be having A HEART ATTACK and i didnt want to let them do an EKG, just because i had to let her SEE MY CHEST FOR A SECOND. right, and im not going to have a hard time asking for a pelvic exam. i suppose i wasnt really upset in the ER either, that was probably just a ploy for attention.

so i got mad and slammed the door, and she was like “well maybe you’re not mature enough to go to this doctor!”

right, mom. im not mature enough for birth control. thats the attitude that got you pregnant at seventeen.

if my mom’s brain were any less functional her skull would fall in on itself. honest to fucking god.

1 Comment
  1. joxerthemighty39 13 years ago

    Aw, I understand. Nobody ever seems to get that I actually CAN’T not be nervous over things like making a phone call, or talking to a teacher, or telling the doctor things. It’s very difficult. Try thinking about how much more you’ll worry if you don’t tell the gyno you want a full exam. And remember that a practicing gyno has seen and heard it all. I mean, this is somebody who looks at vaginas for a living. I don’t think she’ll find it weird if you ask for a full exam, and I’m sure you aren’t the first person who’s asked her for one when they didn’t come in for one in the first place… because really, when it comes to talking about down-there-land, I think a great deal of people have a tough time talking about it to somebody, especially one they don’t know.
    Another thing is that, there’s nothing embarrassing about your situation; imagine the sorts of other things people are going in for… I bet a lot of them are pretty embarrassing!
    I’m not telling you not to worry about it, because I realize that’s probably impossible. But I thought it might help a little if you thought about some of the the things I mentioned. If not, I’m very sorry.

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