im going through this training right now to prepare myself to become a math teacher. holy sh*t it’s boring. i find myself dozing off during each session and count the time as it passes between breaks and lunch. what else. my biggest OCD has been the gay OCD since mar 2006. i had just quit my job, and i started volunteering at this AIDS hospice because i wanted to put it on my medical school application (opportunistic, i know. sorry…). at the fundraiser for the AIDS walk, i get into a philosophical conversation with some random guy there at the hospice. as i end the conversation, because i have to go, he asks me for a hug. im like wtf ummmm ok and hug the guy. until this day, i had never had any issue with homosexuality and never worried at all about being gay. but a week later, when i ran into a friend of mine, the gay OCD erupted …..spewing forth as this panic attack in the middle of my OChem class that got me so weirded out and riled up that I had to leave class and run to the on campus counselor to talk about it. wussy, i know. oh well. it’s gotten much better since then, but it shows up in my moments of vulnerability and f*cks with me. so every now when im confronted with that specific OCD, or any OCD……i tell myself that im not going to run from it. ill sit there uncomfortable as hell if need be…..but i don’t want the OCD to haunt me for the rest of my life like it does my mom so i stand up to it. maybe that’s naive, i dunno. but id rather just deal with it than be a wuss and run from it. and in other news….
so im working on becoming a professional musician, and im trying to find where my place is in music. i can play drum set, tabla (indian hand drums), and i sing and songwrite pop tunes using acoustic guitar. i started the songwriting thing because id like to make money writing pop tunes. sadly, there is so much to music that your every day person might appreciate but will not go and seek out or listen to unless it’s on their local top 40 station on their way home from work. and being the money-conscious indian that i am, i write pop tunes pandering to the radio child in hopes of selling a few of them, putting the money in the bank in some interest-bearing account, CD, investment vehicle…..and make the money work for me so i can have more mobility to do what i want with my music instead of writing pop tunes for ppl who don’t care about music otherwise. strangely, i kind of have my own style of writing and so im finding that as much as i dont want to be the center of attn, that i might have to go the singer/songwriter route for a little bit to make a name for myself. maybe i can do it independently so a major label doesn’t screw me out of my money and music. ok, i can pretty much talk forever about this so ill end this blog here for now.