i think i have just reached my limit with everything.. the pain and hurt that iam going through is just about killing me from within, if its not the meomories and thoughts its the physical pains from the anxiety… i feel i have fought soo much in my young life and i really have reached the point now where i dont know if i want to continue to do so… i know i have to for the ones that love me and that is what is keeping me here more than anything else, when the body raking tears over take me i have no idea what to do it just hurts soo much all i can do is sit and say sorry over and over again, i know iam my worst enemy i dont need anyone else to sit and help me out.
I want the pain to leave and i suppose the memories yet i dont want the fear to leave i feel it is what has kept me going and what keeps me safe the reminder is what keeps me down to earth remindes me of what can be lost, what can be taken… i have had people tell me that i deserve this in life… i cant understand why i would this is not good for anyone i cant fight anymore it hurts to much i have fought to stop it consuming me from taking over me entierly and i have reached my limit where i no longer want to fight its just too much between it the flashbacks, the paranoia, the fear, the shame, the hurt the anger, the fear i have just reached that point where i cant take anymore iam breaking inside, falling apart and know that i cant fight anymore i have fought enough… for once i need someone to fight for me and with me yet noone can i wont allow it these are my battles that i have to face alone… no matter how maning helping hands i recieve i will always have my own cell of emotions and memories and have no hope of finding my key to freedom….
Those that have passed me by, those that have left i miss them so and the thought of being pain free and memory free and at peace is taking over my thoughts… knowing their would be no more just peace, except i know that their will never be peace their will always be something that can and will plauge me and i have to remain and fight for the others i love, the others that i need to keep safe its all i have left and sometimes thats enough…. and at others its just too much… i am hurting from within the pressure sitting on my chest is pressing down to such and unbelieveable degree i just cant take it any more ive reached my breaking point and i dont see my way back out…
For those who have helped me and listened when it has been needed i thank you soo much it makes the lonelyness less bareable but in the end i know iam alone, iam scared and iam hurting and noone can fix this nobody can take it away but its nice to have somone their that cares and understands and for that i thank you, but this lady has reached her limit and can take no more