As I said there are only a few things in life which I feel are really forever, and one of them is the fact that there are those out in the world who are to be considered friends. While those who are supposed to be the closest to you are meerly the source of the depression which is plageing ones self. I have found a friend which has kept me from traveling down a path in which many have traveled. I have been to the point that I knew how I was going to leave this plane of exsistence yet after talking to someone I have found new hope because of a friend, and her family.. Thanks Mel you are the greatest friend one could ever have….be safe…take care of Syd and Alissa……Gods speed…I still think that it is important to understand that friends can make the darkest days seem a little lighter…yet once you are a way from friends well things can still be lonlier than ever before… I feel as though it is good that at least someone agknowledges the fact that I graduated..I know my father God rest his soul would be sooo happy for me, and to be honest I know he is watching with a large smile on his face….My own family close (Not my mother or sisters) have no real happiness for me..they only wonder how we are going to pay for it not the fact that I have done it but how much it is going to cost….So I know that they are not my friends… even my wife cannot see what I have done perfect strangers hear my news and congradulate me while my wife will not do it she only affixes on what she has done….I am lost in thought….and feeling that it was only a dream which I cannot wake up from…why..who am I??? I am that person who is no one in the eyes of my kids and wife….even less if I do not bring home a  paycheck…it is me the non existent one…