I am a soldier first and a human after. And as a soldier I must be strong first and be fearless and ambitious and successful, I must always win, I can lose a battle but not the war. That is how I am and have been expected to be. I never quit and I always excel because that’s who I am. Being human is different its a challenge, and I go through carnal situations that emotionally I am not “built” for, and they have the potential to cause internal destruction on an enormous scale that even leaves dents and cracks on my armour. But like a soldier I must stand firm in a battle and when I am knocked down, I must gather the pieces pick myself and keep fighting, because I never lose a war, never! One of the most vital qualities that a soldier should have is hope of a victory, and have faith in that victorious hope. But today I face a battle of a different kind it’s a fight for my life and I have never been knocked down like this before and I keep getting, but the hope of victory over this war is gone, so I have technically lost the war but I still fight. I am tired and beaten beyond measure and have been left for dead, and I have nowhere to run. So I turn to God and I don’t ask him to help me win, but that why would he set me up for failure? What does he want from me? Why is he still picking my up and still give me the fighting spirit when I have lost all hope? I have lost my armour and I am left human…what once define who I am now is gone and I am a regular Joe…I want my armour back!

But behind every story there is always a moral or morals, and I can accept them or reject them, in my case the moral is; I am a human first and a soldier after. As humans we house source energy that can move in space and time and the same infinite energy can build and destroy and our own will. Our minds act as a filtering and deciphering tool, in which we transfer this energy into tangible works or forms. These transformations can also be constructive or destructive. My revelation is that; the solider was built by the energy within me in my human form and the manifestation was a soldier and I did that well.

Our situations have the potential to overcome us and consume us, we get lost in battles and we lose wars and what once defined us is no longer there or relevant. The energy source in us gives us the power to be something else something more, in the same way that it moves in and out of form and time; it allows us to do the same.

So yes I am longer a soldier but I have added those patriotic qualities in my character which assist in my “filtering process” and now instead of investing my energy in what I have lost, I am transitioning it into a new form.

Let us not hold on to what is gone or lost even if it was not at our will, lets us remember that our strength is beyond comprehension and that we should always transfer our energy positively so that we build and not destroy. We may feel like there is no hope or no one who understands and that sometimes our situations get the best of us, but our will to survive and to be happy give us a sign of hope.

Today I realised I was and have depressed, and it was very sad and I have no one to talk to. I am happy that I know because now I am aware at the state in which my energy is being directed and now I have to work on transforming it. Because I have hope in that I will be better and I am more than my current situation, state or form.