This depression is like cancer… though there are times I wish it were that instead. These last few weeks with so little sleep seem to stretch on forever. I am lost in this world. I am drowning myself and I don't even know it. I feel unstable and my best friends are suffering because this stupid lost soul cannot control this disease. I spent a long time in the shower yesterday evening. I sat and cried in the shower for what seeemed like an hour. I just sat there naked, wrapping my arms around myself wishing for death. Times like these I am glad I don't have much medicine around. Times like these I know why I despise the thought of having a firearm or even razor blades in the house. Though the pocket knife I own that's just inches away from me now is tempting, I am at least grateful that I decided not to have it resharpened. Least it makes things difficult everytime I try to cut myself with that thing. But how long will it be before any of these precautions won't matter. I sometimes think all this shit is just brewing cancerous cells inside me. I don't want this life i think… it pisses me off how simple of a fix it could be if I just pretend I'm alright or something. I hate how this depression just takes it all away. I hate how my psychiatrist told me this is just an illusion that this is just a fucking chemical imbalance and all I felt is just a lie. This pain and all these thoughts are mine. I am alive, aren't I? Why would they tell me otherwise. Why can't I just live… why couldn't I had died that day…. why did they have to resucitate me. It's wrong of me to go back to that and I know that… I don't even know anymore. I guess deep down… subconsciously, I am only writing because I just want to say please someone save me.
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Angels With Wings of Ash
Vividnightmare, , Depression, 1
Ignore the smoke, cause there is no sign. Fires burning me away and I can't wait for my...
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My Philosophical Thought on Depression
Soldier_of_Rome, , Depression, Depression, Suicide, 0
Depression I have found is hell on earth, something that cripples you to the point that you may feel...
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Living In The Moment
Proanamia, , Depression, Weight Loss, 1
Since I got out of the hospital, I can honestly say that I have been doing SO much better....
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Plugging away….
Serrinatta, , Depression, Career, Psychosis, Questions, Schizophrenia, Sleep Disorders, 0
These past several weeks have been rough, to be honest. It's getting ahrder and hader to plan ahead for...
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Pt 8 When you need help and they turn you away ..my friend one month after my husband passed
Dayisdone, , Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, Grief, Relationships, 0
So now my husband is gone. I’m back to work I got the devastating news about my boss leaving...
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Tired of the bullshit
lostandlonelygirl, , Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, Medication, Personality Disorder, 0
It's hard when I feel like my mental illness has ruined my life.I shouldn't say this,but I hate taking...
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Charged up!
azmera, , Depression, Obesity, Sleep Disorders, Weight Loss, 2
woke up this morning unwilling to face the day, cat were fighting on my chest, husbands 13year old mutt...
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Learning how to slow down
prayingdove40, , Depression, Child, Divorce, 0
GOOD morning Sisters and Brothers IN Christ THINK OF A TIME YOU WERE SO BUSY IN YOUR LIFE YOU...