This depression is like cancer… though there are times I wish it were that instead. These last few weeks with so little sleep seem to stretch on forever. I am lost in this world. I am drowning myself and I don't even know it. I feel unstable and my best friends are suffering because this stupid lost soul cannot control this disease. I spent a long time in the shower yesterday evening. I sat and cried in the shower for what seeemed like an hour. I just sat there naked, wrapping my arms around myself wishing for death. Times like these I am glad I don't have much medicine around. Times like these I know why I despise the thought of having a firearm or even razor blades in the house. Though the pocket knife I own that's just inches away from me now is tempting, I am at least grateful that I decided not to have it resharpened. Least it makes things difficult everytime I try to cut myself with that thing. But how long will it be before any of these precautions won't matter. I sometimes think all this shit is just brewing cancerous cells inside me. I don't want this life i think… it pisses me off how simple of a fix it could be if I just pretend I'm alright or something. I hate how this depression just takes it all away. I hate how my psychiatrist told me this is just an illusion that this is just a fucking chemical imbalance and all I felt is just a lie. This pain and all these thoughts are mine. I am alive, aren't I? Why would they tell me otherwise. Why can't I just live… why couldn't I had died that day…. why did they have to resucitate me. It's wrong of me to go back to that and I know that… I don't even know anymore. I guess deep down… subconsciously, I am only writing because I just want to say please someone save me.
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i’ve been thinking (part one)…
chupacabra, , Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Child, Mindfulness, Questions, Religion, 0
my whole life has been spent trying to make other people happy. my parents and my church taught me...
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Have You Ever Talked With God?
Alice_Hending, , Depression, Addiction, Parenting, Questions, Relationships, Therapist, 1
White room with white walls, I’m sure this is destined to be my fate forever. Sure there are the...
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Sharing tonight's entry for no apparent reason.
galloping_sam, , Depression, Questions, 0
Halfway through my thought and meal diary entry today, I decided I felt like I needed to post something...
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Pointless
GIJanee, , Depression, Career, 0
My third night here.. And I've already cut and partially stabbed myself with a pocket knife, been thrown against the...
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The Power of Other's Stupidity
sosgirl, , Depression, Anger, Career, Depression, 0
Dear Kerligirl13, A.k.a: Jessica Slaughter or Jessica Leonhardt I thank you for the videos you made. I thank you...
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Hollow self
Theonlyone, , Depression, Grief, Sleep Disorders, 0
The Hollow Men T. S. Eliot Mistah Kurtz—he dead. A penny for the Old Guy I We are the...
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What do I do?
gvmewings, , Depression, ADHD, Child, Domestic Abuse, 1
I left my husband about 4 years ago. He was mentally and emotionally abusive, sometimes it got physical. I...
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Hanging in…..
BubbaPat, , Anxiety, Depression, HIV or Aids, LGBT, 0
It’s been rough the past few months. Even going on vacation was a bit rougher than I anticipated. We...