Hi everyone. As usual it's been some time since I've been on this site. I guess when I'm doing fairly well I stay away and I feel bad about that because maybe it's selfish of me?Some of you might know that I have mainly pure o or pure ocd when my obsessions ions and compulsions are mainly in my mind and not always manifested in physical checking. I've had so many ocd thoughts that I couldn't list them all. I've had hocd and biocd and they never usually last too long. When those intrusive thoughts subside I go back to being myself, a straight male and I'm fine again. Well lately I'm having Transgender ocd and this is really upsetting me. I really can't ever recall having Transgender ocd before. I have to back track and mention something I went through when I was very young. Sometime during or after puberty and into my teens I developed a fetishes for women's underwear. I like many young boys had seen my share or porn and for some reason I felt like the closest I could get to being intimate with a women was to wear women's panties. I know this doesn't make much sense but that how I thought at the time. This eventually led me to trying on my mother's and my sisters underwear. It felt taboo and wrong but that just led to being more aroused. Thus all became part of my master baton ritual. I would fantasize about straight sex and masterbate while wearing ladies panties. This went on for probably a year or two until I was caught by my sister. When I w as caught I was horrified and completely ashamed and felt horrible guilt. I felt lime a monster and that somehow I violated both my mother and sister. I felt so much shame.I never gave into the fettish after that. I have.live my who life as a man and never doubted my gender. I also know I'm straight other than the times I've had hocd. I've only dated women and I lived with my ex wife for 5.5 years before getting married and then we were married for 6.5 years until it ended. Never during those tears with her or even the 7 years since she left have I ever had this Transgender ocd. But about a week ago out of nowhere I thought about when I had worn ladies panties. Not sure why I thought about it but I did. Well thus somehow led to me thinking what if I wore those panties because I really wanted to be a women? Instantly this thought bothered me and my ocd started to run with it. I started to think to myself this is just ocd because I've never ever thought about it in 46 years and to all of a sudden think it surely has to be ocd. It has all the exact symptoms of all my other ocd fears. The obsessive thinking. Not being able to go a minute without obsessing about the fear of being Transgender. Thinking my life is over. Fearing I'll never get over “this” new ocd fear. I know in my heart that it's only ocd. I know I'm a man and have always been. I have no desire to be a women at all. But my mind keeps obsessing and trying to remember thoughts of thinking I was or wanted to be a girl/women. My ocd keeps making me think what if I'm denying my true nature (being a women). I'm very happy being a man and I have no interest or desire being a women but my ocd is really bad right now! Any advice would be greatly appreciated! 😔