In third grade, I hadn't yet thought about things like suicide to "solve" my problems. What I did think about was running away. While planning my escape, I realized that I had a problem. I would soon run out of money and I needed money to buy food. (I would later decide that it would have been best if I never had been born and then, after realizing that wouldn't happen, turned my thoughts to suicide [around 4th or 5th grade]). 

Recently, I've been thinking about running away again. I know perfectly well that it wouldn't solve anything, but it doesn't stop thoughts. For example, I am not suicidal though I think about killing myself. However, just in case I lose all of my reasoning skills, I am going to state my idea here so that I can't use it.

A few months before running away, I would buy red hair dye, get contact lenses, study bus maps, pick out a place that has a public shower (like near swimming areas like rivers), and find a reputable fake id maker near that place. Just prior to running away, I would ask a friend to buy me blonde hair dye and blonde extensions. I would withdraw cash from my debit card. I would go to the place, dye my hair red and cut it short. My friend would tell people that I would have blonde, long hair based on what she bought. I would use makeup to cover my distinguishing moles, and wear the contact lenses. The fake id would have this new image of me. I would use this to get a job. Somewhere in there I would have found a homeless shelter to stay in for a while.

I came up with this idea around four in the morning while still trying to sleep (I had gone to bed around midnight). It's remarkably silly, but I felt like writing about something and it was the first thing that popped into my head.


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