Hello all hope your sunday is going well.

As I have mentioned before this is my first time joining an online support group. My therapist wants me to try out writing…I paint as well but latley it hasn’t been the go to outlet like it used to be. So here I am…I really want to to try anything I can to feel better…I’m fortunate enough to have a such a great therapist…I just don’t know what my problem is…but I am trying..and I am here…writing… ..
This weekend was rather a blur. I drank way too much again on Friday, wasted saturday nauseous and in bed, and today I’m just fucking sad…it’s a sadness that doesn’t have a direct lane..its a sadness that’s hard for me to explain…
Does anyone else feel like this too? I’m so depressed..and ashamed of myself I don’t know what I’m doing with my life and feel like a fucking loser.

-sad girl  =(

9 Comments
  1. costy 4 years ago

    Hey, I spend most weekends drinking not wanting to get out and socialize just sat feeling sorry for myself, I’m married with 2 beautiful kids. My anxiety has gotten the better off me blaming my wife for the way I feel . I’m pushing her away but I can’t stop feeling this way ..

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      brokencrayon 4 years ago

      hey thanks for writing. i get what you mean. weekends are the worst for me when it comes to drinking too…have you talked to anyone regarding how you feel when drinking? im sorry you are going through this…hang in there ,,,
      hugs~

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  2. ccalvert 4 years ago

    Hey there.
    I understand about how your old outlet just kind of dies out after a while. That’s what happened with me. And I relate about almost everything that you said. I used to feel sad all of the time and go through the motions of life without actually living, you know? I still get really depressed a lot. I just thought that I’d share something that has helped me before because everyone deserves to feel good.

    The biggest thing that helped me is just taking the small things as big wins, if that makes sense. Like I looked at getting out of bed as a win and felt proud of myself for doing it. Just tiny baby steps and little wins.

    I believe in you BrokenCrayon! 🙂 You deserve happiness

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      brokencrayon 4 years ago

      hey there thanks for writing you are very nice when you don’t have to be and i appreciate you taking the time to write….you are so right about tiny baby steps and how much they matter….a lot of the time i don’t even think of that..about how important baby steps are…im glad you reminded me…. thank you and i believe in you too ccalvert …you too deserve nothing but pure happiness

      Hugs~

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  3. aquazium 4 years ago

    i feel like a loser, too. I get pretty sad sometimes, too. Just sad. I hope you can paint sometime soon, that is something I love doing as well and it is very relaxing.

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      brokencrayon 4 years ago

      hey aquazium thanks for writing. its different when someone knows exactly what im going through when it gets to sadness and feeling like a flaming loser… its different in a good way because i know you get me and so there is relief that i am not the only one that feels this way BUT it also sucks because i dont want anyone to feel this shitty-ness that i feel almost all of the time…. i love painting…I can try to get back on that its just lately it has been extremely hard to do anything at all…..even getting out of bed to go shower and etc is so damn hard when its not hard which in turn makes me feel like a bigger loser so then i just stay un-showered, sad, and in bedd….. -(

      hang in there aquazium, i understand what you mean and will always be here if you wanna talk.

      hugs~

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  4. jason01 4 years ago

    Awww look at all of these supportive people. How inspirational! Welcome to the tribe BrokenCrayon and nice name btw! Glad to hear you have a great therapist, but sorry to hear how you have been feeling lately. Depression and drinking can be a tough combo to handle, but have you tried taking a real step back and just looking at yourself and where you are right now, and thought about what you are doing and is it what you really want to be doing to feel your best, if the answer is no or uncertain then I would reach out to your therapist, because everything you are going through can be fixed. It might take time but what doesn’t, I hope you can get a handle on the drinking and continue to work on yourself because you don’t deserved to be depressed, hell no one does but we are the Tribe are a family so don’t ever feel as if you are alone because you aren’t!

    We got your back

    -Hopeful boy =)

    This weekend was rather a blur. I drank way too much again on Friday, wasted saturday nauseous and in bed, and today I’m just fucking sad…it’s a sadness that doesn’t have a direct lane..its a sadness that’s hard for me to explain…
    Does anyone else feel like this too? I’m so depressed..and ashamed of myself I don’t know what I’m doing with my life and feel like a fucking loser.

    -sad girl =(

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      brokencrayon 4 years ago

      hey jason01 thanks for writing.

      yeah i do step back and ask myself all of those questions and just end up going around in circles pointlessly and don’t end up figuring anything out. ….. I am 34 years old. I don’t have a degree yet, i am currently unemployed and a “customer service” job within a financial institution may not hire me as my credit (first of all has nothing to do with the position as I will not be handling loans. mortgages, advances,, ETC,– but whatever) has nothing to do with this particular position I am applying for as I have worked for other top tier financial institutions so that part sucked too

      on top of that my anxiety this morning is a bitch i feel like my chest is being crushed in with a giant bowling ball….just waiting for the anti anxiety meds to kick in like 20 minutes ago…….

      I just feel like a loser….i don’t know what my purpose is….im old and not doing shit thats anywhere near productive…just sitting here wasting time taking up space using up oxygen that i feel like i don’t even deserve sometimes….i don’t even have a savings account and im 34 …..

      its like i am in loser town. OR crazy town.. and will never get out of loser town because the only other place to go is crazy town…

      ugh…today is going to be a pisser i can already feel it….. feel like shit =(

      thanks,, i got your guys’ back as well and as best as i can.

      – sad girl =(

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  5. Author
    brokencrayon 4 years ago

    hey jcd05 thanks for writing. i totally understand what you mean…its tough and i too feel guilty and crappy because of it too… i am actually having horrible anxiety this morning so I took the meds my doctor prescribed for when my anxiety gets like this bad….i am hoping it kicks in like 20 minutes ago….hang in there i understand what you are going through…hang in there…
    hugs~

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