Today is obviously a sad day to be alone. On Valentine's Day it is hard to take knowing everyone else is out and about fawning over there love, flowers in your face, people expressing how they care. But we do not need to take this as a bad thing, for there is much to be gained from the right mindset. We should be happy for those who have found love, or have those who care enough to do something special for them, and rather than feeling down that it is not us, we should look to the future and see how we can get there too.
I talked to my ex today, which wasn't as bad as it all sounded. I wished her a happy valentine's day in a simple message. I had previously planned a whole romantic big gesture gift, but she told me that another guy had brought a ton of flowers to her office and she wasn't particularly thrilled with it, as it seemed like too much pressure. I understand that to a lot of people flowers would be sweet while to others it seems like a burden. Funny way to look at things…. But in any case it seemed more and more as we talked in bits throughout the day that she was none too happy with this guy and that she was in fact interested in talking to me. At the end of the day it was her recognizing the change in me, the happyness inside my mind that is begging to grow, the state of calm. Before I started to get help for myself and work on my mindset, I was clingy, constantly begging for her back, hoping and wishing, only to have her scorn me. This was clearly not the right approach.
At this point I know that I may or may not end up with her or any other woman on the planet, however I do know that any woman I do end up with will receive a man much improved from my former self. I will be at peace and be able to show love and grattitude, and prevent the problems I caused in relationships of the past.
My day ended with watching WALL-E, which was kind of "our" movie, so I was sad but at the same time joyful remembering cuddling up with her watching that movie, it was so special and I remember feeling so happy to be with her. One day I know I will feel that again. For a while after, I cried, but it was more of a crying that was needed, parts of it I was smiling through in fact.
On topics unrealted to my relationship, I have learned that work goes by a lot easier if you try to be friendly to your coworkers. I even ended up with one of their cell numbers by the day's end, even if it was for work related things. I am hopeful that perhaps I can grow social relationships and become someone that others look forward to being around.
I just need to remember that tommorow is another day, and that things won't always end up the same, especially if you approach them differently. Though I am sad, and lonely today, I am also greatful for many things in my life, and I will always try to maintain a positive attitude.