I'm not sure what to do. I no longer have someone to call up and talk with.

everything that use to bug me – is back … all added onto new things.

it's overwhelming.

Now I have to deal with my boyfriend that is bipolar or something, I don't know he wont get checked out. He's always going off about things, right after being happy. We fight too often, nothing every physical although I'd just like to kick and punch him. He only cares about himself, doesnt realize he's hurting me. I try to talk with him he just says nothing or very little or someting rude. ANYTHING sets him off, I pretty much cannot have an opinion or I cannot correct his wrongs. He's a fucking little girl. But I love him. I hate it. I don't know what to do. I had like 6 people ask me to be their roommate & I turned them all down to live with him for the summer ,,, and manybe not even having a place in the fall for the next semester. Everytime I brought something up he was like .. just live with me. .. and now we are & it's hell .. & it hasn't even been a week. I think I might just off myself by the end of the summer. I cannot handle this. I do everything even payed for part of his share of the rent, made him breakfast and he accused me of lying to him! that it was only 10 when really it was fucking noon. Thnen he barly ate anyhting I made & it wasn't terrible. He never wants to do what I want to do. EVER. he holds no interst in what I like — anything about me. He wont come, I planed something huge this past semester and well last semester as well — of course no show. But I go to every god damn show he has. I've heard his bands songs a million fucking times, and he expects me to be there. What if I have something I want to do?!?!? fuck it's so annoying. He just expects me to be there with him … yet he shows little interst in me EVER we started out slow in our relationship finally had sex 2 months in. things were good for a while, he said I was the only girl to make him come. All I can think is he's gay, he never ever want to fuck me. I want to all the time & he's too busy playing a damn game or doing somehting fucking stupid. So intun it makes me feel like absolute shit, I've gained some weight.. I got the sophmore 15 rather then the freshman/ That's all I can think about — I'm gross and he doesn't even want to touch me i'm so disgusiting and he's just using me as a cover up for being gay. Or for i don't fucking know. it's annoying as hell. I dont know what to do. I don't know if I should end it but then I'm on my ass, I have no where to stay for next school year .. oh and yeah he never congraduates me on anything. I just looked at my grades and gor all a's — no good joba anything. so I rent us some movies to celebrate he says he'll by us some booze too. and well he descided its all his and he doest tell me why he's even mad. and just says nothing, so I leave and do tihngs that need to be done that he would never end up doing — still hasnt seen if I was ok nothing. this is just one of the many things. All I want is for him to tell me whats wrong. And maybe for him to complement me for once. I want thim to tell me i'm pretty. I don't even rememeber the last time he did. sometimes he wont ever say he loves me when I say it to him.I do so fucking much for him and he doesnt want to do shit. I'm so sick of being treated like shit. all this on top of a billion other things. i don't know where to go, what to do, I'm scared/ I'm going bay shit insane.


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