I’ve nicknamed Sunday as "Sad Sunday," as I always get really depressed on Sundays. It has been that way since I was a kid. Loneliness and a sense of dread of the coming week is probably responsible for it.
I spent the entire weekend alone. The social isolation is not good for my depression. I hadn’t planned it that way. I had made plans to go to the rock climbing gym with a woman who I think I will become friends with (we get along great). She had to cancel so I’ve seen no one except a grocery store clerk! My parents are on vacation so I couldn’t even call them and talk about things. Total isolation.
It was a bummer to have to spend another Halloween alone. Like last year, I could have gone out–my brother invited me to go with him and his wife to a party his friends were holding. I didn’t go though because I feel like such a loser for not having friends of my own. I have to socialize through my brother. It was the same last year. I have not made any friends since then… just acquaintances and another ex-boyfriend.
There is a guy who I’ve met through an online dating service and he wants to go out on a date. I keep stalling because I’m feeling so self-concious. My face has broken out a little (which happens when I have a lot of work or personal stress — lots of work stress now) and I feel so ugly. I’m afraid he is going to see my skin and judge me and end the date, or never want to go out again. That would crush my already poor self confidence and could make me feel even uglier and more depressed. I really want to get out and see people but I can’t looking like this.
Feeling so alone.