I feel horrible.
On 20 levels.
For 50 different reasons.
I feel physically sick. Cramps. Mother nature must really HATE me.
I still feel….not whole. Empty. I wonder if I'll ever be whole? Is there a person who was born just to complete me? Haha, that makes it sound like I actually believe in love.
Well, I don't.
Yeah, I've had my heart broken, it's in the process of breaking again now, but that's from sexual attraction and hormones and oh, who knows why I feel the way I do about some people. Out of every guy I've ever met, there's two I could see myself with. But that won't be happening anytime soon. So I chose him. I settled, he's hot, he's sweet, he's bad, he's redneck…just my type. But no. I'm not good enough for him. He just leads me on and on and blah blah blah…I think I may hate him. Ah, but he has the most gorgeous eyes. And a adorable little grin, half-smile thing. Ohh, it kills me. I swear.
People disappoint me. They really do. I'm so sick of disappointment. I wanna be happy. And free. And loved. And I wanna love myself. And somebody else.
Oh, but we never get we want do we?
Ridiculous. I hate school. And facebook.
Why can't I just collapse into a bed with fifteen pillows and egyptian cotton sheets? Why can't I spend lazy days with a lover in a cottage by the sea? Or in a cabin, tucked into the folds of a green forest? Why can't I bake and write and wear my hair down and walk with bare feet? Why can't he kiss my hand and sing to me. Ah, fantasies.
I need sleep. Badly. I'm so tired. But there are still hours of homework piled up on my desk. Gah. I'm already failing too many classes.
I've cried so much today. For reasons I don't even know. My eyes hurt.
Screw homework, I think I'll curl up in bed with my dog. Oh, the wind. It sounds like it's tearing my house apart outside. I hate nights like these.
Always with love….even if it is from a broken heart <3