I find it so aggrevating that when I'm finally ready to seek help for my depression because I'm tired of it interfereing with my life, I can't find anywhere within a 150 mile radius that will accept medicaid.
Three months ago I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. I've never officially been diagnosed with depression but I'm pretty sure before I had my daughter I was mildly depressed and now I'm certain that I amseverely depressed. I knew the risks of postpartum depression but I never expected it would happen to me. I've been waiting months hoping my hormones would straighten out and I would come out of it on my own but if anything I feel like it's gotten worse.
I hardly ever sleep anymore and it's not my daughter's fault because she practically sleeps through the night. In the last three weeks or so I've beenlucky if I get 5 hours of sleep a night and there have been at least 5 nights in that time that I didn't sleep at all. If i even try to go to bed before 3 a.m. I will toss and turn all night and I still get up early. I'm exhasted all day and I have to force myself to do any chores around the house. I have to muster a lot of strength within every fiber of my body to do anything.
The worst part of all of this and the main reason why I really want help is I've been finding it really hard to interact with my daughter. I love her more than anything in this world and I don't want to act this way around her. I just want to be happy for her. I feel so guilty that I feel like I'm forcing myself to play with her. I do make myself talk to her and smile around her but it feels so forced because I just don't feel like. It really makes me feel like a horrible mother but I'm trying my best to not let her feel the effects of what is going on inside me right now.
I would really like help in trying to help myself get through this. Is this something that I can even get through on my own? If not, as much as i would really like to avoid involving my family in this, should i try to ask for financial help to seek care?