I find it so aggrevating that when I'm finally ready to seek help for my depression because I'm tired of it interfereing with my life, I can't find anywhere within a 150 mile radius that will accept medicaid.

Three months ago I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. I've never officially been diagnosed with depression but I'm pretty sure before I had my daughter I was mildly depressed and now I'm certain that I amseverely depressed. I knew the risks of postpartum depression but I never expected it would happen to me. I've been waiting months hoping my hormones would straighten out and I would come out of it on my own but if anything I feel like it's gotten worse.

I hardly ever sleep anymore and it's not my daughter's fault because she practically sleeps through the night. In the last three weeks or so I've beenlucky if I get 5 hours of sleep a night and there have been at least 5 nights in that time that I didn't sleep at all. If i even try to go to bed before 3 a.m. I will toss and turn all night and I still get up early. I'm exhasted all day and I have to force myself to do any chores around the house. I have to muster a lot of strength within every fiber of my body to do anything.

The worst part of all of this and the main reason why I really want help is I've been finding it really hard to interact with my daughter. I love her more than anything in this world and I don't want to act this way around her. I just want to be happy for her. I feel so guilty that I feel like I'm forcing myself to play with her. I do make myself talk to her and smile around her but it feels so forced because I just don't feel like. It really makes me feel like a horrible mother but I'm trying my best to not let her feel the effects of what is going on inside me right now.

I would really like help in trying to help myself get through this. Is this something that I can even get through on my own? If not, as much as i would really like to avoid involving my family in this, should i try to ask for financial help to seek care?

1 Comment
  1. Starburst6014 5 years ago

    I dont sleep either, well without medication. Have you tried going to a doctor to get something to help you sleep? I know what you go through because I was you before I got trazodone. Its a very mild dose, but its the only thing making me sleep at night. And your insomnia is maybe caused by the depression, just like mine. Hope that maybe with medicaid you can find a doctor to help with both things. 

     

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