I don't like to see myself in the mirror. I don't like what I see…today justified that. Ugghh.
Today, I went to see a skin specialist about facial spider veins. I'm very self consious about those pesky buggers on my nose and cheeks. I'm very light skinned so they do stand out plus, my face is always red. The Dr. asked me if had ever been diagnosed with Roascea. Told him no but I've always believed I have it since I'm always red.
He took some pictures of me – face forward and both sided of my face with my eyes closed. Said that was to show the before and after. He put up the picture of me facing the camera on a computer screen…Good Lord! Not only was I able to see those veins in all their glory with my red face but also, my eyes are yellow! My HIV doctor had mentioned to me my eyes were slightly yellow…they are not slightly yellow – they are yellow! There I was on a screen, eyes closed with what looked like someone had used yellow eye shadow to color both my eye sockets!I felt myself turn a deeper shade of red. I slowly looked away as the Dr. was explaining what he could do.
I'm used to my dimly lit bathroom- not blazing fluorescent lighting showing a acne scarred, blemished, red faced, yellow eyed freak! I felt so embarrassed. I couldn't look at the Dr.nor his assistant in the eye. I just kept muttering 'ok' so I could get out of that office quickly.Oh, God, that was such a reality check!What a slap that was.
I have totalk to my HIVDr. about medications that DO NOT turn eyes yellow!Those damn pictures really shot down any self esteem I had left! I now see myself in a whole new different light – hmm, poor choice of words there. I need to speak to my HIV Dr. about changing my meds. Unfortunately, I don't see him until Sept. so can't do anything until then. This skin Dr. I have an appointment so see him next week for treatment on those spider veins. He gave me a muscle relaxant and instructed me to take it 2 hours before I go in next week since a needle is going to be involved….WHAT?! A needle?! Picking at my face?! To hell with that muscle relaxant, I'll be taking a Xanax!
That horrible image of me is burnt into my brain. Now, I understand why I'm single!
Awww, man…..that was an extremely embarrassing experience for me.
It seriously bothered me.