Greetings Tribe, I hope each of you is having a great (or better) day.
I don't have much time this morning, but here's what I found out. The thoughts (suicide) seem to be waiting just outside the gates, beyond my defenses. So, if I'm over tired, sick, or just entering sleep…my defenses lower and the thoughts come in. I thought I dealt with those thoughts already and for a long time they were not around at all. However…here they are again.
I didn't keep up with my diet, which dropped my energy levels, which lowered my defenses. To correct that, I'm tracking what I eat with plans to see a nutricianist. That with help keep my defenses up, but will not actually solve this issue.
So, I figure it has to come down to why I'm not satisfied with my life. Why else would these thoughts (without the desire) be present. One, I used to work at a job that I was needed…now I feel like a cog in the machine, not really needed nor appreciated. Two, I haven't set any life Goals in like 5 years, all my previous goals have been completed, life is standing still sometimes. Three, even with several dating profiles out there, no nibbles…makes me feel undesired.
I thought it had to be one of those, but I realized those too are symptoms and not issues. The issue beneath all those is to be needed. (1)I don't feel NEEDED at work (2)No goals for years…I'm apparently not needed in life (3)No one wants to even try to date me, I'm not needed by any women.
So, if I don't feel needed in any aspect of my life…that seems to be a good reason why the suicide thoughts might be around, don't you think?
Not Feeling needed is the mid life crisis – for sure. As men we start out thinking we will ave the world, we try, we have some small successes, and then all of a sudden we seem like we cant save anyone, cant get anyone to love us, and then cant save ourselves – its amazing how thin a line we walk.
Hey – those of us on here need you. I get the thoughts too. I think I get them because I am afraid I have screwed something up pretty bad. I am afraid I might pay a serious debt for it, and if that happens I think I will never recover and enjoy life again, not to mention, ever get a date again, much less a good date with someone attractive. Hence I have had the same thoughts as you lately. Had them for about a month. Been fighting them off – but the weekends really hit me hard cause now I have no one to hang out with on the weekends and end up stuck inside my house all weekend. Getting social anxiety to go with those fries really bad now too and not getting out of the house much at all. Ugh
Find any ways to beat the thoughts let me know! Please! TT