I only have selfish motives for writing a blog. The title I'm thinking of for theart show I'm working on putting together is, "Exposed." This came about because this series is going to be my first real exposure as a confident young artist.

My name means "brave as a bear" and my art mentor (as well as other instructors and mentors) has asways called me "— the brave." I want to embrace my spirt guides; the bear being one. That is why I chose bravebear as a user name. Bravery in accepting the circumstances and ones power to help improve them is a big step toward recovery. I need to be as brave in my real life as I am in my art.

Not only does this series expose me as an artist, but the technique I am using is exposing my raw emotions and energies. My interest and readings in psychology (and general science), philosophy and religion along with my interest in the expressionism and expressive therapies has cause me to develop a new technique in expressing myself through the visual arts.

I am concentrated on expressing my moods, feelings and emotion on the paper or canvas. why does my hand move to put on the paint in a particular pattern how does my mood/type of brain waves/ energy/ state of conciousness change the state of the image I am working on? how is it that our mind sees simple lines or color shapeson a paper and relates it to an image, feeling, mood? I am trying to expose my raw emotion/aweness on something that will last.

That is both true on the canvas for my artistic growth and development and in the witten word for my recovery. I don't know if it maed me better or worse to expose that I am sick. but writing everything down and exposing it for anyone to see is helping me accept it and understand how to help myself.

If I expose everything, am aware of everything, then there is nothing to fear. i do not expect a mirical to occure from writing these words. I do not expect anyone to read this or be changed by this. It is selfish to post these words and take up the time of people scanning through. But knowing its out there. I said it. and I can never take it back means something to me. I have alot of work ahead of me, but taking the time to sit down andidentify the hurricane of emotions I've been through lets me know I have more controll than I think I do. I have to keep remembering that. I know I'm not crazy. even when I act like it and say aloud that I am. I know I will get through it. even when it feels like all is lost or i might die at any moment. I know i have been irrational. i know i want to make the pain stop. so there! i said it!


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