Yesterday I wrote about me going back to work, I was so excited to even think about it.  Today when I woke up, completely different story.  I did get an email back from the human resource manager with the available openings and a friendly note saying "come on home kim" .  and that's when i freaked.  I have been anxiety riden almost this whole weekend and now today too.  I don't know when or if ever I will be able to go back to work.  And along with that fear comes, what the hell am I doing with my life and how am I going to make money?  Sell drugs? no Prositution? hell no Stripping? well maybe…ha…no. I don't have a clue as to where to go from here.  This is such a debilitating illness.  How do people who can't work due to their depression and anxiety disorder go about their lives.  I have been able to work up until October and then I had some money saved, but that money has run dry and now I feel like I am stuck.  I NEED my independence back.  I know that or sure.  Not only does living with my parents add more stress and anxiety but I am feeling like it is going to ruin the close relationship I once had with my mother.  My father and I have never been close.  They absolutely don't understand this disorder, but atleast my mother tries.  She even has come to counseling with me.  Dad screams at me while I have a panic attack trying to make me tell him whats wrong! I just want to strangle him and tell him to f@ck off and let me calm down.  I am sitting there hyperventalating, crying, can't talk, shaking, and he wants to chat? WTF!? ahhh…I need out.  I need resources. And mostly I need to find an income!