I had this all done last nite and i lost the lot.. so i had to start again… Bloody pc's..

Adolesent counsellor today with emily… Was very unsure of how it was going to go, because the last few days has been hard on her as to not sleeping/eating and crying no stop, Due to her ending it with her boyfriend…. I was very panicky before hand.. We got there and we where waiting for 20 minutes..waiting…so i went up to see what was going on? They had rang the wrong person to let them know we where there!! Gee there are some bloody idiots in this world.. By now i was frustrated, uneasy and very anxious.. Astra comes out and and said i thought you guys where not coming? I said we had been waiting for 20 minutes because they had rang the wrong person! Sorry she said, Its not your fault.. Frist Astra said she would like to know if Emily is willing to see her before we went on.. Emily said yeah i can give it a go.. Astra said it will not be just sitting around, can go have a coffee, Astra likes to do things with and around aminals and like to do art drawing's/ect and have music on sometimess.. Ok Emily would you like to start or do i have to get mum to? And why you think you are here.. So it looked like i had to start.. I took Emily to the doctors and month back and anne decide to make Em a appointment on her own, then anne sent us to you.. It has taking a long time for me to get her to see someone to get some help.. What i notice off Em, For the last few years, down, sad,withdrawin, thoughts of suicide, sits in room on her own alot, has no go in her, does no after school sports or any sports of any kind.(i have tryed to get her to try something butnot will to) Know about the suicide becaus ei am the one she has told every time.. Its hard to help someone so close to you who wants to hurt themself and no longer wants to be here.. I have had a lot of close friends and famliy do it.. It just does not get any easyer.. In the last few days Em has hardly had any sleep/eat. n very down due to her ended with her boyfriend (but Emily said it was both of them that decide) n i am worried she might self-harm!! Ok whats the family back for illness?? Well i have mental illness, i told her what i suffer from.. Astra then said it runs in the family and get past down, Now they have put it down to that and are more aware of it..( wow my thinking was oh crap it my fault shes here and my not so good arse) Emily are you self-harming? No Any suicide thoughts? Yes (with tears in my eyes and my heart dropping in to my tummy) What stops you from going through with it?? People would miss me and be very upset at me n hurt if i go.. What would you tell someone who come to you and said that to you?? Tell them to see someone and to get help…. On a shale of 1 to 10 Emily how do you feel?? 3.. and how long have you been feeling like this? A while now.. (ever feel like you failed i just had, it also seems i'm a little too over protecting with Em, I did'nt even know i was) What makes you happy? I dont know How are things going at school? Ok i guess…. What makes you get up and go to school when you feel like this?? See my friends… Do you spend time with them on weekends or after school?? Sometimes on the weekends, I have one of my best friends birthday this weekend. Will your x be there or will you ran into him at school? He will not be at birthday, n his only at school sometimes.. Astra asked Emily what would you like to be when you grow up?? Dont know. Do you do sports or anything? Nope.. Have facebook? Yes (who doe'snt) Astra said it can sometimes unkind why would you think that would be Emily?? Because people say things about other people that are not true and hurtful…… What has happin in the last 2 years?? We moved to Colac… So you left everything behide that you know/friends.. I told Astra we moved caus emy x (Brocks dad) would not leave me alone and it upset the kids and our lifes where not going anywhere n my illness was bad.. And to try and be happy again n safe… How did you feel about that Emily?? I did'nt want to come/angry. but its ok now.. I told Astra Emily and i are not close and have never been, n she thinks i love her brother more than her, and things have gone on around the house the last few weeks that has not helped either.. Astra even asked me if i was close to my mother?? No ( i hate her in a way for never helpping me when i was growing up with my step dad) When he was not nice or trying to kill me) How do you feel hearing about that Emily?? Sad… So why dont you think that you 2 are not close?? I think due to her hating me for kicking her dad out and him having nothing to do with her!? And due to me never being around much for her as i worked alot to get us by. We have seem to come closer in the last 6 months, when we decide to have one nite a week with us 2 to do something/make ect. But it stopped because Emily just did'nt want to do it anymore.. We also had nites where we would talk about the bad thoughts in her head n how she could try to overcome them.. Becasue i went through the same at her age.. Emily always helped me out alot with Brock when i was really sick with my illness and it was just us 3.. Astra said maybe try and do your mother daughter nite again…. Em said i can try.. ( i understand she wants to be alone and not be around anyone) So Emily what has gone on at home??? Looks like i had to talk about it.. There has been alot of fighting between jeremy and i over lots of things.. N then i ended it cause i have commitment issues and he got to close and i pushed him away, n he broke of our engagment, so i broke down n am not doing so well myself.. Astra asked Emily how she felt about that?? She said Brock was really upst and i looked after him.. Yes Emily but what about you??? SHe broke down in tears it rally hurt me she said through tears ( my heart was breaking, tears well in my eyes) Astra said to Emily sounds like you take care of everybody else, what about You?? ( that sounded so much like me, put everything you feel away and help someone else untill you crush) Brocks lucky to have you in his life. You must think alot of him to do that. I do she said his my brother, but we have our days.. So mum what have you done to help Emily in the last few days?? I said it has been hard, But i did tell her i am here if she needs me and have giving her a hug and have let her be alone.. Why?? Cause she likes to be alone, and i feel the same way when i feel down and out.. Sounds like Emily does not who she is astra says… I said gee i dont even know who i am.. Then Astra said to Emily how did you feel when you where around Zac, happy and now i am empty, and have regrets what has happened.. Astra told her well how do we learn from things if we dont take the good and the bad.. I am so proud of Emily for going and is will to give it a go as hard as it was.. But in time i hope it all helps… It was a very emotional day and very heart broken to hear some of that.. But i did it for Emily as much as i felt useless and that i failed her in someway…