Just sat here watching Celeb Juice, this cheers me up immensely. Today hasn't been the most exciting just watching television off the computer. But I've been feeling very sentimental, thinking about what has gone on between me and Ste, how much I love him and remembering our first kiss when we were 7.

I remember it like it was yesterday; we were seven and we were "going out" as young children do, and we were at school in the play ground. I pulled Ste over and told him to follow me. There was a youth centre next door to the school and it backed onto our play ground. The shape of the building meant there was a corner where kids could hide. I pulled Ste into this hiding spot and said to him: "I want to kiss you" I don't remember what he said next but I do remember him standing very stiffly in front of me and I moved in. My lips met his and his jaw was really stiff. As I stepped back he smiled at me and held my hand. I remember feeling something I'd never felt before. I think I was too young to feel "Love" at that age but I think it was the closest thing I could come to at my naive stage.

So thats the story of how I first kissed Ste all those years ago. When I think about it it makes me smile inside. Meanwhile in the rest of my life. I've been to see my psychiatrist and he was pretty much useless. I've told him that I'm losing grip on reality and that things were really bad. His answer? Here I'll change you're tablets its going to take me a week to send them a letter and another week for you to come off the ones you're already on now and then another three weeks for them to kick in. And now my therapy is coming to an end and I'm pretty much screwed. I don't know what I'm going to do. But there's no point in dwelling on that just now. I think I'll get an early night and try and feel refreshed for the morning.