I feel weird, not exactly depressed, more like scared, anxious. I feel so alone right now, like no one cares about me. I look out into the world and see people who are all connected, people who have someone. I have….my mom…that’s it, and it’s not enough. It makes me feel pathetic. I want someone to give a damm about me, but I feel like I’m wandering around not leaving a trace that I was there. If I were gone tommorrow who would notice? How could you tell?
It is hard to feel happy when you feel like no one cares. I always try really hard to go the extra mile for people, but I’ve never felt like the same has been done for me, which probably is because I seek out these people that I can help, that I am useful to. They’re used to being taken care of not caring for others…me. But that sucks, that’s not fair, I don’t want people to be like that, I don’t want to feel like I’ll never be appreciated.
I feel so weird right now, my heart’s been racing for the past hour, some twisted form of fight or flight were the flight button in my system has been left on. I feel like something awful is going to happen, even though nothing awful can happen in the immediate future that is worse than now. Even now isn’t bad, not really, I just have like 1 friend and six people who are too busy to probably come and spend my birthday with me. I’m stressing about that, if I try to do something, I’ll be stressed that people won’t try to come and I’ll be alone on my birthday..and I’d rather plan to be alone than have it forced on me by rejection….but I don’t want to be alone…ahhh this sucks