This beautiful song expresses it all for me really. I dedicate it to me Grandpa who died of a heart attack 8 years ago.He wasn't just my grandpa he was like my best friend. He'd buy me presents and pick me up from school in his campervan, other kids took the mick but it didn't bother me. I was 12 at the time of his death, I didn't fully understand what had happened at the time, mum wouldn't let me go to his funeral cause it was a school day. About 6 months later i experienced severe panic attacks and became housebound for several days at a time. I've learnt to control myself a little over the years. And make sure i'm alone and safe before i break down. But sometimes its the simplest things that set me off, those red bobble hats people wear in winter bring tears to my eyes cause Grandpa always wore his red hat. I still wear my dressing gown he bought for me when i was 7..it doesn't fit anymore but i refuse to throw it away. I've got a lump in my throat as im writing this. It's so unfair :'( its new years now (2012) 2nd of january..my boyfriends 21st birthday..he hasn't met him..that breaks my heart, they have such similar personalities. I think thats why i fell for him.

Sorry im babbling. I dedicate this song to my Grandpa…….

"Thanks for all you've done, i've missed you for so long, i can't believe your gone. You still live in me, i feel you in the wind, you got me constantly, i never what it was to be alone no, cause you were always there for me, you were always there waiting. But now i come home and i miss your face, smiling down on me, i close my eyesto see, and i know your a part of me and its your song that sets me free, i sing it while, i feel like i can't hold on, i sing tonight cause it comforts me!

I carry things that remind me of you, in loving memory of, the one that was so true, you were as kind as you could be, and even though your gone, you still mean the world to me, i never knew what it was to be alone, no! You were always there for me, you were always there waiting! But now i come home and its not the same, no. Feels empty alone, i can't believe your gone!! And i know, your a part of me, and its your song, that sets me free…

I sing it while, i feel i can't hold on. i sing tonight, cause it comforts me, i'm glad it set you free some sorrow, i'll still love you more tomorrow, and you'll be here with me still, oh you did you did with feeling and you always found the meaning, and you always will, and you always will, and you always will….

and i know, your a part of me, and its your soul that sets me free! i sing it while i feel i can't hold on, i sing tonight cause it comforts me…! "

REST IN PEACE

I will always always love you Grandpa, not a day goes by where i dont miss your chirpy grin! <3