So, I had this huge fight with my sister (my sole support person) on Sunday. For the past several months we just cannot seem to get along. Through having depression I have done a lot of soul searching and have become aware of things in my life that I hadn't noticed before. Things about my personality, the way I relate to people etc. So I think I am fairly aware of my faults. But it seems to me that my sister is largely unaware of hers. She said to me that she thinks the majority of the problems in our relationship are my fault. She said she does not want to be my support person. She said if we were not sisters we probably would not be friends. Then she tried to make out that that did not mean tha tshe didn't like me. She got mad at me for cutting a huge crater in her butter (which had been an ongoing joke but apparently she'd been seriously annoyed all along). She complained about the fact that when we were little she got in trouble beacuse I didn't like her looking at me, and that was my fault because I was so sensitive (I'm 33, she's 42 for crying out loud). She said she was the only person in my family who hadn't given up on me.She was a total cow actually (I am just a little bit mad). The thing is I really like my sister, I would totally want to be friends with her even if we weren't sisters. But for some reason she is not willing or able to see her faults. She said to me once that I treat her differently than I would my friends. And I do. I feel comfortable around her so I am actually honest with her, whereas with other people I often project what I think they want. But the thing is I think she does exactly the same thing to me. I am completely willing to accept half the blame in the disfuction of our relationship. I am completely unwilling to except all of it, or even the majority of it. Back in January after another huge fight, we had a long chat in a cafe and I gave her somethings I had photocopied about depression and how to argue in a non-destructive way. Because I wanted to help her understand why I act the way I do and how to help me (because I still thought she wanted to) and because I think both our styles of fighting are not helpful.I'm really not sure she even read any of it. When I hang out with her I often end up feeling worse than I already do. I feel almost completely misunderstood by her.

Thank you for reading my novel.


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