My mother hates me…I knew it too. She means everything she says when she's in that state. She just doesn't mean to say it. I'm tyring not to be resentful to her. I try talking to her…laughing with her…she ignores me, or is just rude. She get's angry when I laugh, talks about me to my father, in the living room, where she knows I can hear her. She hates me because I'm fat, and ugly, and stupid. Don't tell me she doesn't, don't tell me she didn't mean to say it. You know how many times she's told me hurtful things? Let me tell you all the things she's ever told me. One time, she was angry she had to take me to the therapiest, so she chased me with a belt for thirty minutes, then after seeing my cuts, told me she wishes I would commit suicide. Another time, she told me I need stop being so fat. A time after that, she told my sister an I she hated our guts. This time, she told my sister and I she wishes she would of had an abortion, she told us we ruined her life, she wants us gone. Not to mention all the times she's 'attempted' suicide in front of us. Once, she tied a charger cord to her throat and tried to choke her self. Another time, she tried to jump out of the moving car twice.  Time after that, she tried to slice her neck open, my dad cut his hand open pretty bad getting the knife away from her. This time, she told us multipul times if we called the police, she would slit her throat open before they got there.  Then tried to slice her neck open again with a knife, again.  On top of that, she's told us the most disgusting things. Like, telling my father she'd suck his dick, or he doesn't want her with him anymore because they can't fuck. And a bunch of stuff like that. To make it worse…every. Single. Time. She came back saying she couldn't help it, blah blah it's not her fault. And we've forgiven her. so she acts like we have no right no be upset. Please, please do not tell me she didn't mean it. 

I don't want to live anymore.