He came back positive for the HSV1 after testing last week.  All he could say, was how could you do this to me.  What's wrong with me? I knew I had it yet I slept with him anyways and waited so long to tell him.  I just wanted it to go away and for him to not get infected. I know that's foolish, childish, stupid for me to have thought but I was so ashamed of myself for having contracted it to begin with. I've been reading articles about people who purposely infected their partners but that's not me.  When I told him I had it in January we had been together 4 months and he got tested and came back negative. He knew I had it and still slept with me unprotected. I'm not flipping this on him because it was my betrayal of trust to begin with, but now I'm worried not only for our relationship but his health.  He had shingles at the end of last year and I don't know if this can cause another flare up.  He's a very healthy man and will continue to be even without me in his life, but I don't want to lose him.  Does what I did mean I don't love him?  Does it mean I don't care about him? That's what he thinks and feels and rightfully so, but I do love him and I want to dedicate the rest of my life to being with him. I've cried so much over the last 5 months I've actually started to question just how much I love him and why I'm still with him.  I'm sick to my stomach with anxiety and sadness and I'm sure he feels this way too.  This relationship was standing on thin ice and I believe I'm now sinking into the cold void where our love once warmed. I don't want him to leave me but I can't bear this pain in my chest anymore.  I told him to leave me just a few days ago cause I want him to be happy, but he couldn't do it and I can't walk away. I love him and though I'm the one who harmed him, I want to protect him. Am I completely insane? SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!! I just want to die already, but I fear death.

1 Comment
  1. Lamia 12 years ago

    Well do you want a sympathy answer or do you want an honest answer? My sympathy answer would be to tell you to stick with him if you love him. My honest answer is you should have told him in the first place and when you did tell him and he did come back negative and HE chose to sleep with you unprotected. He should not blame you nor should you blame yourself. He knew the risks after he got tested the first time and should have either used protection or stop seeing you. He made the decision not you and he has no one to blame for contracting this then himself. Now having said that, he can't leave you because he might feel that he has this stuff now and why leave or stay and spare someone else. You two need to stop stepping around the questions and sit down like adults and talk. Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you have the desire and love to stay committed but warn him not to stay if he does not feel the same way. Staying only because you already caught something from someone or to spare the rest of the world is no way to keep a relationship alive. Good Luck.

    Lamia

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