Hello! My name is…not Marc. But that is what I have everyone call me. I haven’t introduced myself by my real name in years, and to most people I am Marc. The few members of my family who will even talk to me are mostly confused by this, but it’s hard to explain that the name I grew up with holds a lot of memories, both good and bad, but mostly good. As I try to traverse life with depression, PTSD, and anxiety, I find that I don’t want my name to become something I hate to hear. When my boss fires me, I don’t want it to be the same name my mother yelled as she hit me. When someone tells me off, I don’t want the name they’re yelling at me to mean anything more than just that: a name. I don’t necessarily think it’s a good idea, but going by Marc helps me to stay detached. The name means nothing to me, and therefore can’t be used to hurt me. I want to reach a point in my life where I am proud of my name, which means “Open House”. I want to be able to own it without caring who mistreated me, and I’m working toward that day. Even in my professional career I don’t use my real name, hiding behind the anonymity of Marc Cade. I often joke and smile and laugh, because if I’m not laughing, I’m crying. I’ve never met anyone who understands this logic, and I’m not entirely sure that I do either, but I keep working toward the day when I can be myself, vulnerable and naked before everyone, and be happy that I am who I am. I’m not at all happy with myself now, so my name is Marc.
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Broken Puzzle Pieces
Fiedka, , Depression, Addiction, Anger, Career, Depression, Grief, Medication, Parenting, PTSD, Suicide, 0
:Warning: Could be triggering!!! I love you guys, and I’m sorry. I had no right to put you in...
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This helps a little at times
Justin14, , Anxiety, 0
this is a poem i read out of a great book and it gives me hope(sometimes short lived ,...
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Wednesday
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I woke up (6am as always, my youngest comes in to get us). My middle daughter was sleeping between...
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After reading brave new world
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It seems like it's inevitable. Man is doomed to confide and be blinded in to the world we are...
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Inside
White_Rose, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Depression, Psychosis, Sleep Disorders, Stress, 0
It's fascinating to me how my moods fluctuate in an instant. Hypomania keeps me talking 100 miles an hour,...
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Don't know where to start…
AnonymousWallflower, , Depression, Child, Domestic Abuse, 0
I guess I am unsure of where to start…. To know me.. I guess I'll start with second grade....
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What does it means
shirleysw21, , Depression, Depression, Grief, Questions, 0
What does it means to be alive? What is one's worth in the life they live? To look beyond...
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Debating My Existence
Di, , Depression, Career, Depression, 1
I just decided that I wanted to talk about me, how I'm feeling, where I'm at. I've been considering...