I just don't know how to feel anymore. There was a time for about 2 years after my divorce that I felt happy and alive. All that came to a crashing halt when I realized that being alone was lonely. Trying to develop new relationships with people turned out to be harder than I thought. I was doing g well then inwasnt. I still felt like an awkward teenager just wanting to fit in and be accepted for who I am. I took up this take no shot attitude which helped but kind of pushed people away. I am tired of people trying to mistake my kindness for weekness. I just don't understand how some people are just so full of themselves and almost cruel. Since January I have kind of isolated myself from the world. Not doing fun things I like to do. I feel trapped, bored, frustrated. I met someone who I have been dating since March but something is missing. I don't know if it's me or if it's him. He is a wonderful man and very good to me but we don't have much in common. Also he came into my life after I had just broken up with another man. A man who completely broke me down. Not intentially I don't think. It's weird. Because that man was everything a lot of other people I've met werent. Being with him though made me realize that I still have a lot of issues to deal with. Not only that I realized that I have intamacy issues. Here I was thinking it was men who were to blame. (Some of them probably were) but it's also me. So ow I'm here. With a man who cares about me deeply. Something I have always wanted… and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm not used to being treated well. I'm not used to answering to anyone… I'm not used to any one caring about me or my interests. It's been a terrifying thing for me to deal with. Especially when I am having such a hard time just coping with my depression, anxiety, issues with my kids, finances, etc. It's been quite overwhelming. I feel selfish and ungrateful. Like I'll never be happy or satisfied with anything. The thought of that being ture is more than I can bear sometimes. I wish life was easier than it is. One good thing that has happened is that my youngest is finally at a school that is meeting his needs. After fighting with the schools for years he is finally getting the help he needs. He has been properly evaluated and diagnosed and is doing well. He's still having issues with learning how to interact with his peers but is coming along. He is also getting straight A's which has never happend. I'm really happy for that. I cried at his last meeting a few weeks ago. It was a finally moment. =) I know things will get better for us all. Just my inner demons are getting the best of me these days. I am trying really hard to keep it together but am having a really hard time. Maybe getting it all out here will help me purge some of that bad energy. I just want to feel normal for once. We'll see…