Was feeling really stressed out and felt like I was losing control again and suddenly found myself actually seriously thinking of finding a solution to my problems that was more, permanent. These thoughts always come and go but the important thing is that I don't act on them, but right now I am wondering, is there any real reason not too? I'll go and make a list of the pros and cons and see where I stand. At this point my biggest reason NOT to is so a few certain people who shall remain nameless won't get the satisfaction of having their way. I know they would cheer and throw a party over my death, so I plan to make them miserable a while longer and stay alive. Anyway, death would be unjustified right? As someone I once knew so elegantly put it, everyone gets stressed out about their kids, everyone has problems, the fact that two of mine are profoundly disabled and the oldest is profoundly psychotic, means nothing. In the end, I am just trying to get attention right? This person even stated that if I killed myself I would finally get what I wanted all a long, the spot light and everyone's pity. Well, how wrong you were there. I am quite sure that everyone would be laughing at me and saying how much they hated me and are glad I'm finally dead.

The End…
I walked alone to the end of a lonely road,
And stood there waiting within the darkness.
The moon above glowed with a ghost like pallor,
She looked haunted, and insane.
I reached my hand towards the heavens and tried to touch her,
She was always just out of reach.
I suffered with the realization that there was something,
Which I could not attain.
I stood there at the end of that road,
Wondering where I should go from there.
I remembered the first time that I had seen her,
The first time that I had witnessed the blessed, morbidity of the moon.
I was lying in my bed, planning the end of it all, and there she was.
Dressed in a gossamer gown of start dust.
She crept slowly into my midst; spread herself out like a flood of
Translucent specters dancing on the air…
The particles of night pervaded throughout my mind,
And I was overcome by this unrelenting sense of doom.
I knew from that point, that there was no going back,
I knew then that I would be given no second chance.
The end was far too permanent for me to defile,
So I thought I might wait, and stay here for another night.
Which brought me now to this lonely place,
To which my end has since forebode.
And I knew that I would soon turn away,
The end had not yet come.